Thing For You
by GatesofShadows91
Summary: Carver finds himself falling for his best friend, Leto, an elven boy with white hair he'd rescued from slavers outside Lothering. A Grey Warden helps him realize and come to terms with it. But the elf has eyes for his oldest sister Hawke, will Carver man up and admit his feelings before it's too late? [F!Mage!Hawke/Fenris]
1. Begin

A/N: Our story starts 6 years before the Blight (assuming the characters are in their early/mid-twenties when the Darkspawn hoard destroyed South Ferelden)

**EDIT 11-Feb-2013: Tittle/summery change – because I came to a mental road-block and I felt it was starting to stray from the original summery. So now it's called 'Thing for You' & I am starting to write a sequel (using the old tittle) 'Wait for you'**

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

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**Begin.**

"Elf" Hawke muttered accusingly as she surveyed the damage done to her staff, the last gift her father had given her before he disappeared. Its splintered remains scattered at her feet in a splatter of blood.

There was something missing from the scene, a big something she wouldn't realize until a handful of years later. The liquid lyrium that was built into the core of every staff was nowhere to be found. As old as the staff was, when broken its innards should have left a thick silver puddle staining the floor.

She also wouldn't notice until later the pair of small bloodied hand prints glowing softly with a foggy blue-ish-silver hue on the stone floor in the corner hidden underneath one of her brother's old shields.

_Hawke wasn't normally an angry person but she was livid right now. The rage felt foreign in her blood, her magic stirring dangerously within. For a split second she was almost glad her father's staff was unusable. _

_Almost._

_ She would have set the house aflame in her blind emotional rage if she could will the fireball building under the surface to shot out her hands. But all that crept out her skin was a puffs of deep-grey smoke.  
_  
She placed the blame immediately on that quiet little white-haired elf, Leto.

Her father and younger brother had freed him from a group of Tevinter slavers traveling up the Imperial Highway on the outskirts of Lothering last year. She had instantly befriended and trusted the shy elf from day one. At 15 she didn't think it was such a bad idea sharing her gift of magic with her quiet elven friend, it _appeared_ he couldn't talk. _Her secret would be safe_, she thought.

Hawke had tried to make a sad-looking Leto smile by making flowers sprout from one of the family cattle's nostrils. Instead of laughter, he had backed away from her, his large green elven eyes wide with fear and speaking his first words to her: "I _hate_ magic. "

Maybe it had been a mistake to trust the magic-hating elf in her home. She sighed roughly through her teeth trying to rein in her anger.

_That's when she heard a soft elven curse come and another boy- her brother's laughter coming from her small wooden wardrobe. "ELF!" she roared, banging her fists on its doors. "Get out here! I know you're in there"_

She crossed her arms over her chest and waited a moment for them to crawl out from the hiding spot. The door creaked open slowly, too slowly. Impatient, she sent her foot into one of the weak wood legs of the wardrobe causing it to beak and fall forward at an angle with the two boys tumbling out of it.

"Leto, how could you!" she sniffed, tears burning in the corners of her eyes. " You knew… you knew how much my father's staff means to me and still you go and break it like it's nothing more than a meaningless twig"

The white-haired elf looked up at her like a kicked puppy, trying to shuffle back, his moss green eyes wide as Hawke advanced on him.

"Sister please," Carver pleaded, quickly shifted so he was on his knees between his sister and his elven friend, hands held up in defence "He didn't-"

She cut him off with a sarcastic-fused remark, "So father's staff just decided to shattered on its own then?" 

_"A… Templar forced him too" her brother said. "He asked if mages lived here, I said 'no' but he knew I was lying to him. He forced his way in and was threatened to kill me.. to kill mother for harbouring mages…" _

_Carver paused, bitting his lip "Then Leto came out of nowhere and goes-" her brother lowered his voice into an almost mocking version of the elf's voice" 'how dare you threaten such a nice family. Without the Hawke's running the farm so well this town would stave'" _

_Hawked looked over her younger brother's shoulder at the elf, her eyes asking silently if it was true. He nodded, a single nod so small she would have missed it if she wasn't watching him so closely. Her anger was quickly disappearing and being replaced with confusion. _

Why would the elf who hated magic defend her family like that?__

"The Templar searched the house and found father's staff and said he'd only leave if it was proven to him that it was just an 'ugly branch' and not a magic device. He held his long-sword to Leto's throat and ordered him to snap it" his gaze settled on the shards of wood across from them and sighed.

_"I'm sorry, Hawke" the elf spoke, so softly she nearly missed it. "…I had no choice. I…I.." His next words struggled to reach his tongue, large moss green eyes pleading for her forgiveness. As much as he hated magic he didn't want his hatred for it to drive away the family that had saved him from the Tevinter slavers._

_Leto rose to his feet, locking his eyes onto Hawkes azure blue ones, his voice suddenly full of determination and held a low undertone in a promise he'd lose his life before breaking, "I won't let you come to harm, Hawke "_

She regarded him for a long moment. How could she stay mad at a face like that?_ She pinched the bridge of her nose saying, "I forgive you, Leto" smiling she then added "Only if you promise to help me find a new one"_

_He bowed his head, a habit beaten into him over the years by the slavers "As you wish"_


	2. 2 -Hunter

A/N: thank you cookies to the people that favourite'd and follow this so soon after it was posted. It means a lot J _italics_ = thoughts and/or memory

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**Chapter 2 - Hunter**

Over the past year Leto had been into the Brecilian Forest just outside of Lothering and had befriended the Dalish clan that was settled in a clearing. The Keeper of the wild elves, Zathrian was quick to trust Leto, being of elven blood and looking the spitting image of his long-lost son playing a large part in that.

The quiet elf spoke few words during his time with the Dalish and their hunters. The Keeper sent him out regularly with the Hunters impressed at how he moved soundlessly through the forest and his skill with weapons that should be way beyond his mere teenage years.

Zathrian at first gave him a small share of the animal pelts they'd collected but over time increasing the amount to both aid the young elf in his quest and keep him coming back. The Tevinter elf kept the younger first-time hunters on their toes by ghosting about nearby and making wolf-calls and growling when the huntress' started chatting and when the hunters were ogling the females in their revealing Dalish leather armour.

_How could they let themselves be so distracted on a battle field?_ He growled internally at the novice's. But he always kept them away from real harm's claws and let the hunters take the kill (or taking the creatures life himself if the elves took too long to draw their bows and the prey had decided it would have a Dalish elf for lunch)

Where did he learn all his skills? Zathrian wondered. The young elf seemed to have been bred to hunt, to fight and kill. He was predatory, the way he charged at group of bears twice his size with all the ferocity of an Alpha Werewolf protecting its life-mate.

He had given the animal pelts to Danal, the barkeeper and landlord of Lothering's only tavern/Inn called "Dane's Refuge" The place where the elf had resided since the Hawke boys had saved him two years ago.

Danal was rather talented craftsman with the fur, he started to sell his creations to travellers and patrons with the profits being split fairly between himself and the elf. Now the elf was making coin of his own he wanted to pay for the roof over his head like everyone else had to but the barkeep still insisted Leto could stay in his _without_ any charge.

Danal had become a father-like figure to Leto since the day he was carried through the doors of the tavern. He was slowly bleeding to death from the wounds inflicted by the band of slavers, but still struggled as wildly as a healthy teenage child against Malcolm Hawkes hold the second he felt magic touch his skin.

_That day Leto had screamed 'no' like a mantra curling into the fetal position. Carver Hawke had approached the bed, and softly putting a hand to the thrashing elf's white hair. "Shhh" Carver whispered, his hand slowly adventuring into the blood-stained locks in the hope it would make the elf relax a little. _

_The elven boy instantly stilled at the contact, his scream seemed to halt in his throat as a wave of calmness seemed to spread through him from the fingertips on his skull._

_ "Shhh," he whispered again, a tiny smile playing on his lips as he realized the trick his mother used on him when he was upset had actually worked. _

_ The elf had calmed considerably under the raven-haired soothing voice, he felt like he would drift off into sleep if he closed his eyes. He couldn't le himself fall asleep with strangers eyes on him. He found himself asking, "Are you my new master? Aren't you bit young to have a slave?" he rasped out, his large moss-green eyes regarded the human boy suspiciously "Are going to hurt me like the others did?" _

_ Carver's heat felt as if it had been punched upon seeing all the fear, sadness, loathing and pain pooling in the green eyes when his own pale-blue orbs locked on them. "I will not harm you. I promise" He said "You are safe here." _

_For some strange reason he did – he believed the boys words. Somehow he knew this stranger would not bring him harm even if he begged him to end his suffering._

_The mage however made him feel un-easy._

_"Why help a slave? I have no coin to give you for your…. kindness" _

_Malcolm Hawke smiled at the elf, "You staying alive is worth more than coin to me. I know you've had a bad run with magic, but I'm a good mage. My name is Malcolm. I am a healer; I'm here to __**help**__ you. What is your name child?"_

_He refused to look at the mage and gave the answer to the question to the raven-haired boy instead. "Leto"_

It seemed like only yesterday he let Malcolm's magic stich together his wounds, clear out the infection from the whip welts on his back and refill his blood supply.

The Hawke siblings and Danal brought him food and water every day for the week he was recovering in his room at Dane's Refuge.

_"What is it?" Leto asked, eyeing the clear liquid being handed to him by a blonde haired girl who had introduced herself 'Hawke'._

_"It's just water" She smiled, grabbing his hands (ignoring the annoyed growl coming from the elf) and curling the fingers around the mug "No poison, no drugs and no magic. Just plain ol' Ferelden water"_

_It was so strange to be given something as simple as water without having to work for it to the point of collapsing. The question on the tip of his tongue slipped out: "Why do you Hawke's care so much about a slave?" _

_He didn't expect the blonde to hear it as she reached the doorway_

_She looked over her shoulder, golden eyes sparkling as she smirked at him "Can't let such a cute elf die now can we?"_

He shook the memory from his head before the blush could creep across his ears the present conversation came into focus.

"But I can pay you" the elf protested, repeating himself for the third time and pushing a handful of silvers across back the bar at the human. He furrowed his brow in confusion, "Why do you refuse my coin?"

"Leto," The barkeep sighed, shaking his head and pushing the coins back at the teenage elf. "That day you were rescued I promised Malcolm I would keep a roof over your head for as long as you need, son. You are free to stay until you are a wheezing, crazy old man scaring off my customers with wild tales of tainted Old Gods and the good ol' days of dragon slaying"

Danal chuckled as his mind creating an image of an old long-bearded Leto surrounded by awed children begging him to tell them of his grand adventures. He leaned over the bar placing a hand on the elf's shoulder, smiling fondly through his bushy moustache at the boy "No coin will **ever **be asked of you, son. This is your **home **for as long as you wish it to be"

Such kindness still felt so very foreign to the elf. Before he'd met the Hawkes and Danal every human and mage had crossed paths with in the Tevinter Imperium was rough, cruel, twisted with evil and darkness.

But it seemed there was a different breed of humans in this part of Thedas.

Leto's green orbs stared at the middle-aged human in disbelief.

_I wouldn't survive a duel with a dragon!_

"Wishful thinking, Danal, but I will ever be _that_old." The teenager shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "My stories will only be of slavers, bears, giant spiders and maybe a few stray darkspawn meeting my blade but never _dragons_!"

"You doubt my words?" he frowned briefly, an eyebrow tweaked upwards "Of course, a youth will never believe one day, he too, will mature like a good wine and then become bitter like cheap ale." The barkeep chuckled at what he thought was a rather witty life-summary. "You must never doubt your gift, child. You are a strong warrior. A bear today and dragon slaying tomorrow!"

They shared a smile before the barkeep went back to work and the elf retired for the night


	3. 3 -Templars & Jesting Elves

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

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**Chapter 3 - Templars and jesting elves**

His thoughts seemed to chase each other around his skull while he walked alongside the Hawke siblings. They were on their way to buy some fresh fruit from one of the travelling dealers that always came set up their little stalls on the Imperial Highway on Sundays.

_Why did I feel such an overwhelming urge to protect Carver (and his mother) when the Templar's threats had reached my ears? – Carver had once gone out of his way to save my life years ago and Leandra had helped nurse me back to health. _

_They are the closest thing to family I have ever known, and family protect each other. _

_I will forever be in the Hawkes debt for getting me away from Danarius. I will give my life before I let harm come to them._ It was a silent promise to himself, he'd kept it so far. _Carver is strong, clever and great with a sword for his age; he knows how to disarm an enemy (he has even spent many hours teaching me how to do so) _

Traders and dealers of all sorts started to land just outside the South entrance to the village of Lothering on the same day and set up along each side of the Highway. Over the years it hard turned into a small market. There seemed to be some silent agreement of sorts to repeat this get-together weekly or maybe it was just chance that they all continued to arrive in the city on the same day.

_So why didn't he disarm that Templar and drive the brute's own weapon through that fancy armour? An easy kill, potentially problematic if the body was found…_

The whole town usually flocked there as soon as they woke to get their hands on the best and the cheapest the traders had to offer. It was always so loud with all the merchants' voices competing with each other to attract customers and the children screaming they wanted this or that.

_Why had I stepped so willingly in front of that Templar blade to (somehow) prove Hawkes staff was just a branch that held no magic power at all? – Mages have been nothing but a creature that brings suffering to me all my life. They all crave power, they rely on mind-control, demons and blood magic to gain whatever they want._

_I never thought it possible there could be "good" mages out there and yet here is Hawke, a mage that has shown me nothing but kindness since day one. She tries relentlessly to include me in card games, conversations and to tag along with her when she goes about one of her 'missions' to help solve petty problems the villagers seem to create amongst themselves. I do not understand why she insists on the company of a slave...ex-slave, surely I am boring, I am an elf of few words. She had called me 'cute' once…_ – he rolled his eyes, scoffing. – _That's hardly a reason to put your throat to a blade, idiot. I am no love-sick hound_!

The small scoff he made at his thoughts had Hawke's golden eyes land on him, a brow raised in silent question. He just shook his head, quickly dropping his gaze to the ground hoping the tint of pink his ear tip had turned had escaped her notice.

He let his stride slow so he was walking in time with Carver instead of with the sisters. _Hawke could easily be classified as a 'pretty' human. __**If **__she wasn't spoilt by… magic._

He raised his head to look at the back of Hawke's head when he heard a string of appealing noises coming from her. She was laughing at something her sister had said.

_How could such a sweet sound come from a creature that attracts demons_?

_Maybe Demons are attracted to the sound as I am…. _

The elf raised his hand to slap himself hard in the forehead.

"Ignore them," Carver chuckled, clearly hearing his sisters' hushed words and thinking that was the reason for Leto hitting himself. "Girls like to think they can win any guys heart just by looking at them, batting their eyelashes and swaying their hips. There's a lot more to it than just physical attraction." He hummed, surprised by his unknown wisdom on the topic. "How shallow do they think us boys are?"

"How different is that from you parading around without a shirt in the summer?" Leto's words came falling out of his mouth before he could stop them, "Clearly you are trying to attract a mate" he turned his head to see the raven-haired boys reaction and braced himself for a punch to the face – which never came.

"...W-What?" He stuttered, the elf had never seen the humans face take on such a shade of red before. "How…How do you know I do that? Do you… spy on me at night?"

"I do not sleep much. I have nightmares of… _before_" Leto admitted quietly, sighing. Carver put a comforting hand to the elf's shoulder "Walking under the stars helps me think, and animals make me feel relaxed, so I always end up sitting in one of the paddocks with them. Sometimes I see you walking or running laps.."

"I'm always here if you ever want to talk about it" He offered, giving the shoulder under his hand a squeeze. Leto's eyes flickered from the humans' hand, smile, then to the eyes. A string of emotions the Tevinter had never seen aimed at him before; sadness, understanding, worry, hope all seemed to be taking turns on the pale blue of Carver's iris'.

Green orbs kept their gaze locked for a few strides trying to make sense of why anyone would freely want to listen to his sad tales. Carver cleared his throat, blinking away from curious elven eyes and speaking again, "Or we could just walk, run, and have sparring matches together on those nights. We don't even need to talk. Company can sometimes help." He smiled. "You are not alone, Leto, never forget that."

Leto didn't get the chance to respond as Bethany's voice reminded them of her presence, "What are you two love-birds whispering about back there?" She called over her shoulder jokingly at them, smiling mischievously. The Tevinter cocked his head to the side making a confused hum in the back of his throat.

_Birds can not whisper, they tweet_.

Carver removed his hand and took a step to the side realizing how close the two of them had been standing. "Battle strategies" his lie sounded convincing enough.

Bethany and Hawke rolled their eyes and muttered to themselves about boys being so one-dimensional.

A soft warming sensation crept across his palms as if trying to pull the comforting hand of the raven-haired boy back to him. _Strange.._. His thoughts began to wonder again. _Why had the silvery-blue liquid from Malcolm Hawkes staff soaked into my hands? I heard some Dwarfs talking about how their people are the only ones that can handle pure lyrium, and how it sends humans, elves and mages insane. Why have I not gone mad from contact with such pure lyrium?_

_Why do the scars sometimes feel like it's on fire when the Hawke mages are nearby? Why does do they still glow so brightly after all this time? I can see it shining right through the cracks of my worn leather gloves._

_Magic ._

He growled internally, his mood suddenly darkening. The one thing he hated above all else and it was in his _skin_. Surely it was in his _blood_ and slowly corrupting him from the inside out.

A human mage and his son had saved him from slavers, the Hawke's gave him a roof over his head, food for his belly and asked nothing in return._ Nothing_. There has to be _something _they want in return. _They must be bidding their time.._ he thought angrily, he hissed at the pain stirring in his hands, _winning my trust before they start to torture me_.

_What has magic touched that it doesn't spoil?_

With that thought he wondered _why_ he hadn't given up looking for a staff for Hawke they had looked in every merchant's stall that passed through. But now the task had become seemingly an impossible to complete with the pair of Templars that now patrolled the entrance to Lothering.

They halted each and every traveller and merchant wagon. Went through all their belongings and if the Templars had found magic related supplies the stuff was either destroyed or the merchants were ordered to continue up the Imperial Highway to Redcliffe Village.

On this day the Highway was eerily quiet. Only two stands were set up, the sellers both slumped against their wagons with arms crossed glaring at the pacing red-haired Templar, Ser Cullen.

"What do you mean there are no other merchants coming to town today?" Carver practically growled at the red-haired Templar.

"Mother will not be pleased" Bethany sighed, "She really wanted to make that special apple pie for Hawke's birthday in a few days"

"Their goods were tainted. The Maker does not approve of their type of wares being sold to our peaceful village" The Templar answered in a robotic tone that sounded almost like a Tranquil.

"'Tainted goods'?" Hawke laughed. "What are they all selling Darkspawn balls?"

Leto and Carver snorted, Bethany giggled and Ser Cullen muttered to himself about children and their fowl mouths these days.

"Don't be ridiculous!" The Templar snapped. "The Revered Mother has ordered me to keep everyone carrying the forbidden with them from entering the village"

The twins could see Hawke gave up looking for a staff after hearing that. There was no chance she would get what she needed while those Templar brutes controlled the Highway.

"So…. You think a town will last long by eating only the armour that Dwarf is selling or the cloth and shoes that woman offers?" Bethany asked, her stomach seemed to be growling at the red heads stupidity too. "Our family farm can not supply The Grey Wardens at Ostagar and pick up the slack from your stupidity for long if you brutes are stopping _food_ from entering the village"

Who sends away food from a village that needs it?

The Templar regarded her for a long moment before saying unsurely, "There… There is enough in storage to last until some more food merchants arrive" he said, his shoulders dropping as he sighed. "I was just… doing what I was told"

"This guy" Hawke drawled, waving her hand towards Ser Cullen, "_Brightest_ tool in the Makers shed"

"Looks like we go into the forest to hunt for breakfast then?" Leto suggested to Carver, the Hawke siblings all nodded in agreement walking past the shocked-and-confused looking Templar and started to climb one by one over the cracked edges of the Highway that lined the Korcari Wilds' edge.

"Maker watch over you, children" Ser Cullen called out to them but his voice fell on deaf ears.

It took just over an hour to find and kill a couple of rabbits with excellent elven hearing and a combination of Carver and the Leto's skill at throwing daggers. After a short while of wondering through the forest they had also found some wild fruits and berries to bring back to mother hoping she could make something tasty out of them.

Hawke watched her sister start the fire to cook the rabbits on with two small fire balls jumping out of her palms into the pile of logs they collected.

The elf growled, shooting a glare at Bethany. It felt like the fire was sent in to his hands not at the firewood.

Hawke wished she could train her magic to come out her hands like Bethany could. A skill like that took years to master but her sister was making it look way to easy.

The Tevinter was very observant; he caught that sad, distant look her eyes every time when Bethany would use her magic with (or without) her staff. The way she'd reach for where her father's staff usually sat on her back only to find the space empty.

The elf saw the look and found himself asking, "Are you okay, mage?"

_Why has the elf become distant; he only ever calls me 'mage' never by my name anymore. _Hawke thought_. Did he still feel guilty for breaking my father's staff?_ _But his actions had let Carver and mother keep their lives and kept Bethany and herself out of chains of The Circle of Magi_.

She had forgiven him because of this: A staff is replaceable, but a family you can never replace.

She insisted to the elf she was fine, she didn't need a staff to cast spells, 'it just made the aim better'.

But Leto knew she was growing increasingly frustrated as the months passed with not having a staff of her own. His lyrium scar could feel her magic stirring under her skin impatiently, dying to get out. She was not able to use Bethany's because it was made for the use of only Primal and Elemental magic whenever Hawke touched it – it electrocuted her.

He could tell she missed it, knew that she felt defenceless without it, even though she had never voiced those exact words to any of them.

"How did you kill that rabbit so easily?" Hawke asked the elf as he was cleaning the blood of his blade on the grass beside him "The rabbit was pretty damn_ fast_."

"Survival; if you don't strike first, you die" he stated simply, like the humans should already _know_ this.

"But we were hunting rabbits…" Bethany trailed off

"Well spotted sister," The male twin rolled his eyes "I think he means you will die of starvation in the end, y'know if you aren't quick enough to catch it first"

"They could have smothered us to death with their cuteness" He said offhandedly, cleaning the other side of the dagger.

It took the Hawke siblings a moment to notice the tone of humour in the elf's voice.

Carvers brows shot up, the elf _had _been listening to him when he was muttering nonsense to himself while he waited for the rabbit to re-appear. He smiled and found himself watching the elf, he saw how his lips curled slowly into a smile then snap into a teeth-baring snarl. He wondered what was going through Leto's head to make his expression change like that.

Bethany was in a fit of giggles. Hawke howled with laughter "Did… the elf just… tell a _joke_?" she gasped out between breaths


	4. 4 -Your Dress Ruined My Wine

A/N: I am undecided if I can write (F)Hawke's point of view or thoughts well enough... :/ I do not understand the mechanics of girls' brains (even if I am one myself) – they make little to no sense to me.  
An underdog and an angry, confused ex-slave with trust issues on the other hand…

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

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**_Chapter 4 - "Your dress ruined my wine"_**

Carver was smiling at him. Bethany was in a fit of giggles. Hawke howled with laughter.

Leto had started to let a smile creep onto his face.

_They are laughing; they thought my quote was funny_.

Bethany's fit of giggles had gotten out of control, her magic sparking out of her hand with tiny yellow bolts that joyfully bounced and danced across her skin.

No. _They are laughing __**at**__ me. Of course they are - a stupid slave has no place to jest._

The irritation of his thoughts and the pain soaring in his hands from the use of magic nearby combined had the smile ripped away and fierce snarl took its place. "Maker, is it really _that hard_ to believe?" Leto barked driving the dagger into the dirt up to its hilt and stalking away from the trio of Hawkes.

Leto found a large boulder near a small running river to beat his fists into. He had only two breaths of time to himself before his elven ears picked up rushed footfall coming towards him, too soft to be Carver, too clumsy to be Bethany that left Hawke.

"Go away, eldest mage" he said without even looking at her, sending his left fist into the rocky surface as if that would kill the light buzzing in his hands.

She frowned but did not make a move to leave "Are you… alright?"

"No!" he snapped, pivoting to face her and hurling his second rabbit blood-covered dagger at the ground between Hawke's feet. "That's why '_the elf'_ wanted to get _Away_ from you mages and your flaming lack of control!"

She blinked at the dagger sicking out of the dirt barely an inch away from her toes. "Calm down would you?" She said softly, holding her hands out in front of her to show she was no threat. "What's up? I know you don't like magic but, geez, it's not like Beth was aiming thunder bolts at your chest so why are you being so… dramatic?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. How would he even begin to explain the unworldly glow in his skin and the pain the slightest use of magic brings him?

She observed him, his stiff stance, the way his chest heaved under the thin fabric, and the intense dark green his eyes had become. "You look like you need a hug" she decided, taking a step towards the elf, who in turn took a step backwards his heel bumping against the stone.

He could feel the relaxing charm she was trying to coax out of her palms; Leto bared his teeth at her like a rabid animal cornered. "I _don't_" he ground out through his teeth, before twisting around and climbing the jagged face of the giant boulder with the ease of a gecko.

He perched himself on its peak. "And I do not have to explain myself to you today, _mage_" he huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

"You are rather _cute_ when you're angry you know that, Leto?" She called, sending him (or rather his back) a half-smile half-smirk.

_Cute? __**Cute**__?! I am not cute. Kittens and rabbits are cute. A scrawny, angry ex-slave is nothing short of repulsive! _

His keen elven hearing caught her murmuring, "I'd let you smother me to death with your cuteness any day"

_….What? She offers a 'compliment' then wishes for me to take her life. Girls. _He huffed. _Such strange creatures_..

"Leave!" He directed, his arm snapped out horizontally with a finger pointing back the way they had come from.

That wasn't the reaction Hawke had hoped for. In her minds-eye the elf had come back down to her, thanked her for the compliment and smothered her with aggressive kisses. _How disappointing_…

Knowing she hadn't moved, his voice boomed impatience at her ears. "_NOW_!"

It felt like she was just kicked in the gut being on the receiving end of his anger. Was he angry at her for sounding so surprised that Leto could say something funny? Did Bethany's tiny sparks of laughter lightning upset him _that_ much? Did he think the bolt had been summoned to harm him?

She couldn't understand his sudden change in his mood.

_Well, that attempt to cheer up or calm down the elf was a fail. A compliment – no – two compliments, one of which included his very own joke mixed with a not-so-subtle hint I find him attractive and wish him to kiss me._

She had developed a serious crush on the elf, it was borderline obsessive. She tried to get Leto's attention and company as much as possible. Maker, she wanted him to be hers; he ticked all the boxes – tall, dark, handsome, and he always sent a pleasant mix of happiness and nerves tying her stomach in knots when his large green eyes and low voice were directed at her.

_But the elf has some problems;_ _One minute he jokes the next he's growling and throwing a dagger at me._

Of course, no one could be as perfect as the men in the fairy-tales mother had told her about as a young girl.

_If you take away all the hate and the pain in his eyes, he could be the prince-charming I've been waiting for_

* * *

It was Hawkes 18th birthday. She was the type of girl that would have never been seen in a dress. But here she was wearing her mothers' slightly low-cut green silk dress in a wild attempt to get that white-haired elf's attention.

Leto was drinking by himself with his feet propped up on the table in the back corner of Dane's Refuge. She sauntered over to him, a smile playing on her face. "C'mon Leto, it's my birthday, the least you could do is acknowledge my existence instead of brooding in the corner"

He had been watching her all evening since they arrived unable to believe this girl was the same Hawke who was only ever seen in khaki pants, boots and plain tee's. Letting his eyes follow her every move as if to try and prove this girly Hawke wasn't some imposter or beautiful trickery brought on by the ale he had consumed.

He couldn't say _'I did acknowledge you, I've been watching you all night'_ – he'd sound like one of creepy old patrons that are always ogling the young pretty women that stay here.

He could feel her golden eyes on him waiting expectantly for a response. He cleared his throat and asked, "What is it you want me to say to you, mage?"

Now she stood so close his eyes had a mind of their own, quickly running over the curves of her under the fine green silk dress (that mirrored the colour of his eyes), to the wolf's fur draped elegantly over her shoulders and along the dipping neckline to the way her blond hair framed her face in delicate tiny golden tornadoes.

He swallowed, _Maker, she looks incredibly stunning!_ Inwardly groaning and suddenly uncomfortable he shifted in his seat.

She grinned, watching him shift so his long leather clad legs were crossed at the thighs instead of at his ankles. "Well, you could tell me what you think of the dress? You know I don't normally wear stuff like this," she motioned her dress with her hand.

"Does it look okay?" she asked, forcing a timid tone into her normally confident voice. If judging by the elf's reaction when she had approached, the dress was more than just _okay_. She was beaming inside, her plan was working.

He tried to be honest and tell her how gorgeous she looked but his quiet, shy side seemed to be withholding the words in his throat. "You look... like a _girl _in a dead animal"

Elven ears heard Carver chuckle nearby followed by Bethany gasping and the sound of skin being slapped.

"I'll take that as a compliment" she beamed.

"Congratulations, mage" he drawled, drowning the rest of his ale in one gulp. A saying amongst the slaves coming to him from out of thin air, "You're one year closer to your grave"

"An' _you_ sir elf are one drunk closer t'drink" Carver commented, approaching the two with more than a slight swagger in his step.

"_Carver?_ have you been _drinking_?" Hawke gaped at her baby brothers' state "You know you are not old enough! Who gave you ale?"

The two boys blinked innocently at her and pointed at each other

"Alright, but don't come crying to me with a hangover tomorrow. I will not help you, brother" she poked his nose, then turned her eyes onto the elf "So what is that, a Tevinter tradition to say 'one year closer to your grave' instead of a simple 'happy birthday'?"

"A slave doesn't often have the luxury to see many years," he scoffed "you become less and less needed each year then you become dead when you are considered 'too old'. Many of us don't live into our twenties"

"How sad" she frowned. "Are you done being a party-pooper? Lighten up, dude, leave the past behind you" she clapped him on the back "Another round of drinks please, Danal!"

A few hours and many more rounds later.

"You gon'apologize for that?" Hawke laughed, looking at the wine dribbling down the wolfs pelt on to her collar bones. "You ruin my 'ress"

"No" Leto frowned deeply at the now empty cup in his hands "your dress ruined my wine"

Carver chuckled and passed the remainder of his across the table to the elf "Next ti'e aim for m'face not.. the Haawke…" was the last thing he said before his face dropped and collided heavily with the table.

Leto furrowed his brow at his friend, the tone of his voice suggesting he was upset

"I tol' him I would drink 'im under the table" she beamed at her brothers passed out form "How many mor' rounds can you do?"

"A few more, easy, but it would be-" Hawke had leaned over the table top to listen better, giving elven eyes a view of his wine disappearing into cleavage. Inwardly groaning and averting his eyes, he finished. "-Unwise"

"You chickenin' out?" Hawke gasped "I didn't think you were the type t'back away from me"

"I'm not. I just-" he bit his lip looking between the youngest and eldest Hawke. "Let's leave this evening on a… good note."

He grasped her dainty fingers and brought them up to his lips, kissing the knuckles "Goodnight Hawke"

She beamed at him, it had been so long she had heard her name roll off his tongue in that low Tevinter accent that sent a shiver down her spine.

She half stood out of her seat so she could boldly place a kiss on his high cheekbones. "Goodnight Leto"


	5. 5 - Wise Adorkable Warden

A/N: Enter everybody's favourite adorkable Grey Warden: Alistair in the 2nd half =]

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

* * *

**_Chapter 5 - the wise adorkable Warden_**

The elf had started disappearing for days at a time; sometimes he was gone for weeks.

Hawke missed the elf's company terribly even if it was not that often she got to spend time alone with him since her birthday months ago.

Between her being taught how to use her magic without a staff by a mage called Wynne at Ostagar when she'd take food down to the army and helping mother with the farm work.

And with Carver winning the elf's attention easily with sparring sessions, races and Leto's swimming lessons.

She didn't have a chance. She didn't know how to use a blade and she wasn't too fond of running without reason. Even if she decided to take up running to have the elf's company she was sure she'd be too much of a sore-loser to continue trying.

Maybe that's why Leto gave up playing Diamond Back or Wicked Grace with her. She always won (unless Bethany was playing too.)

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't jealous of the bond between her brother and Leto. They were so close if you didn't know any better you'd say _they_ were kin and she was the out-sider. She had never been all that close to Carver, their personalities clashed too much and his strong dislike for mages made it almost impossible for them to be in the same room some days.

No wonder the elf preferred his company over hers, not only was Carver anti-mage he was another male and he was human.

Realization hit her like a tonne of hadn't she seen it before? It was _so_ obvious_._

_Humans_.

The only people she had ever seen the elf speak to without the awkward, hesitation in his voice or hostility in his body-language was Carver, Leandra and Danal. The three of them were just your everyday Fereldens. Carver – A swordsman in training. Leandra – a fine archer in her days of youth, and Danal the friendly barkeeper.

He hated magic. The slavers he was with 3 years ago when Malcolm and Carver found him were blood-mages. She and her sister are mages.

_Oh Maker….This explains his mood swings when my sister or I enter the room._

_You poor crazy-handsome, mage-hating bi-polar elf._

The last time Hawke had seen the elf was over a month ago.

She had watched the two of them in the paddock locked in a rather playful looking sparring match. The elf had seemed so relaxed; she could swear she even saw a smile grace his elven features as he ran circles around Carver until they both collapsed from dizziness (or exhaustion) onto the grass.

_"You know something, brother" the eldest Hawke accused, poking the raven-haired boy in the chest "Where __**is**__ he? He's been gone over a month. Danal is worried sick!"_

_"Y'know dear sister, when you assume; you make an __**ass **__out of yo__**u**__-and-__**me**__" Carver drawled matter-of-factly, smirking. _

_Hawke's golden eyes stared at her brother like he'd just spoke to her in Antivan. "…What?"_

_He gave a one-shoulder shrug, "Just a saying Danal taught me to remember the spelling and meaning of the word"_

_Hawke squinted at her brother "I see." She said, "I may be making 'an ass' out of myself for assuming you know something. But you __**are **__the closest to him and the last person he was seen with. So I __**know**__ you know something."_

Of course Carver was told of the elf's whereabouts and plan, and again he was keeping secrets for the elf like the good best-friend/brother from another mother he was. There was no way he'd break the elf's trust by telling.

_ "Leto is eighteen, Hawke" he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose "he doesn't need you acting like his mother every time he does something on his own"_

_"I'm not acting like his mother. I'm acting like a friend, a friend that cares a lot for him and is concerned for his safety unlike __**you**__." Another hard poke to the chest, "How can you be so calm when your best mate is missing? Those slavers could have been sent back to claim him or worse," she swallowed, forcing out the words "… kill him"_

Hawke's words held an unwanted truth he'd been avoiding thinking about. Now the words had been spoken his mind ran amok, anything _could_ have happened to him. Eaten alive by wolves, torn to shreds by bears, captured or killed by slavers working for his former master… The thoughts hit him like a Bronto stomping on his gut.

The idea of Leto not coming back seriously distressed Carver more than he could ever imagine.

He knew the Tevinter elf was a more than capable warrior but he was chasing down a dangerous myth, the Crown of Arachnid-oria and he could be being torn to shreds by the creatures guarding it as we speak.

Spiders (Carver's biggest fear) and Leto's death in the same thought train. He blanched, that Bronto had just sent one of its horns to his heart. The thought of losing anyone he cared about did not sit well with him.

_"You're not going to throw up on me are you?" Hawke quirked an eyebrow at her now pale-faced brother. _

_He remained silent and just shook his head. _

_"Oh! Is this me witnessing your wall of manly bravado crumbling enough to show… __**emotions**__" Golden orbs danced with amusement "How sweet, you actually _do_ have a heart that hasn't been squashed under all that muscle" _

_ "Always the jester" He coldly remarked, the muscles in his jaw clenched tightly. _

_She angled her head to the side, a playful smirk crawled onto her face, "Glad you noticed" _

_"Maker, you stupid elf" he growled lowly to himself, sending a swift kick to a nearby chair. It splintered on impact with the stone wall. "You are __**not**__ immortal" _

_He marched out of the house before his sister a chance to say anything more._

* * *

It had been 3 months since anyone in Lothering had seen Leto.

Carver wanted so badly to send out a search party to drag the elf back home by the ears.

He hated lying to his sister but if he told the truth he'd break Leto's fragile trust and also ruin the surprise the elf had planned for her (if this suicide mission was actually successful.)

Carver had come so close to letting it slip weeks ago when he had that conversation with Hawke.

His mind had been stuck in a torturous loop of 'what if's' since then. The elf had disappeared before and it never worried him this much. But this time his brain and his gut seemed to be having way to much fun making him suffer with worry.

Carver had tried to keep himself distracted from his inner torment by spending his time picking up each and every duty on the farm, helping Danal at the bar, and running until he collapsed.

He needed the challenge, he needed a sparring session with another warrior on par with his missing best-friend. That's when he decided to ask the twenty-year-old Grey Warden recruit named Alistair he'd recently become good friends with since he went to Ostagar to ask about joining King Cailan's army to spar with him.

When he woke today, there was an unwavering feeling pulling at his gut screaming at him that something was not right.

"Maker," The Warden breathed, surveying the deep gash the raven-haired swordsman had made across the face of his old wooden Templar shield the "When you said you needed to work through some bottled-up frustration you weren't kidding"

"I'm just so worried about him. My gut is screaming at me that something has gone wrong" He admitted, hanging his head "He's never been gone this long without any word. Leto is like a brother to me I don't know what I'd do if…if…" he trailed off, he couldn't even finish the sentence.

The thought of alone it made his stomach turn.

"You shouldn't torment yourself with such thoughts, Carver" The Warden placed a hand on the other boys shoulder and smiled "Your elf will be back before you know it"

_The gears of his mind suddenly clicking and he understood to what his Warden friend was implying. Carver's ears tinted pink as the words sunk in. He dropped his sword to the ground, gaping at Alistair. _

**_…My what_**_?!_

_ "Oh, don't look at me like that." Alistair chuckled at the wide blue eyes staring at him "It is obvious you care deeply for him. You nearly split my shield in half because you are worried about his safety"_

Memories flooded in to the forefront of his mind all at once.  
Carver's hands in blood-soaked elven hair. His smirk.  
Leto's look of concentration as he stitched Carver's forearm back together. His huge green eyes.  
The elf howling in his arms as Lyrium burnt into flesh. His soft moonlight white-hair.  
Two skulls colliding as they dived for the same fish. Sculpted lithe muscle…  
The two of them lying under the stars, breathless and smiling at each other after running or sparring together

_"Makers' balls…" _He groaned, the weight of his thoughts brought him to his knees. He ran his hands through his raven hair.

How did he not see it? – It just didn't seem possible to have feelings like this for one of the _same_ gender.

But deep down he knew the truth was just laid out in front of him by The Warden. He struggled to believe it, he had a _thing _for Leto.

Maker, how did this happen? That good-looking broody elf had wormed his way into Carvers heart like a stealthy parasite.

"The Maker sure does have a twisted sense of humour, huh? First a family full of mages and now… now he's made me have a flaming crush on…Ugh, this _can't_ be happening." He groaned again, running both hands slowly down his face, his fingertips catching his lower eye-lid and bottom lip on the way down.

He held his face in this lopsided and painful way until the wild wind stung his eyes. Why me? Why, why, **Why**?! He didn't need this added to his conscience right now. And how did the Warden know more than he did about his personal issues that he himself had never even acknowledged or knew existed before - after only knowing him a few months?

"You can't blame the guy; he's been around since the dawn of time. Though he _must_be getting bored if he's targeting _you_ for his entertainment"

Carver stared at the Grey Warden for a moment, not sure if he should be feeling slightly insulted by that before he found himself laughing.

"Anyway, if your elf is as skilled as you say he is; I'd be more worried of Duncan finding him and sending him off to slay the next Archdemon"

_Alistair had somehow managed to flip his mood around so easily. He was just one of those people that just simply being around made you feel at ease and happy no matter how angry or upset you were feeling before. _

Of course the Tevinter elf would return to him in one piece. He _always_ did.

Carver's light blue orbs rose to meet the dark-gold ones of the Warden in an uncharacteristic shyness, he hesitated before speaking "…How did you know?" he asked. A deep breath, jaw tightening, he squared his shoulders in defence mode. "I think I must've hit you in the head too hard with that last Pommel Blow"

"Nope! You'd have to put more force into it if you want to dint this thick skull" he rapped his knuckles on the side of his head, grinning "That's what I'm here for. To deliver unexpected or unpleasant news and witty one-liners"

At that moment Leto came bursting into the clearing running towards the Grey Warden and Carver like a dragon's fire was under his ass.

Alistair was the first to notice the army of giant spiders tailing the elf. "We are not alone" he warned lowly, kicking the sword back towards Carver "_Really_ not alone!"

Carver shot a puzzled look at the Warden then looked over his shoulder and he saw the over-sized creepy critters chasing _his _elf. He shook the thought from his head and rose to his feet.

_Oh Maker you really do have a grand sense of humour. Now you send __**Giant**__**Spiders**__? You Flaming bastard! _

Leto swung his sword (seemingly blindly) behind him slicing through a spiderling that was on his heels. It's fresh carcass tripping up the spiders on the front line which gave the elf a few seconds to distance himself from the hoard of angry spiders.

Leto skidded to a halt in front of them, breathing heavily. "I trust you know how to use those" he nodded his head at the sword and battered shield in Alistair's hands.

"Grey Warden at your service, ser crazy elf" Alistair gave a mock-bow and shifted into a battle stance on the right side of Carver. A curt nod from the Tevinter before he took his place on the swordsman's left flank.

The creatures were quickly closing the gap between the trio.

Leto regarded Carver for a second, the humans' stance and expression was screaming he was not fond of spiders one bit. "Conquer you fear or die, Carver" He growled colder than he intended but he needed the swordsman's to kick into fight-mode if they were going to come out of this alive.

They were surrounded.

Light blue human orbs searched for moss green elven ones and asked, "You got my back?"

"Always" Leto smirked. As if sealing the promise his blade impaled the spiderling trying sneak an attack to the humans back.

Fighting back-to-back and Alistair's use of the Shield Bash move proved to be a key to their success of slaying so many spider kin. The shield would stun the critters long enough to meet the blade of one of the other boys.

Until a rather large and aggressive corrupted spider from the third wave of critters descended on them and chomped the shield between its _chelicera_ (jaws) like it was a mere twig.

"_Bad_ spider," Alistair scolded the creature like it was a naughty child "My shield was not supposed to be lunch for the likes of _you_" he says before slicing the creature down the centre.

The rest of the third wave and the fourth wave were a little harder to overcome without the aid of the shield.

They were all covered head to toe in each other's blood, green-black ichor/spider gore and struggling to stay on their feet they were so exhausted.

Spider carcases littered the ground around them.

Leto drove his blade through the corrupted spider at his feet that sluggishly made a move to attack. He lent his full body weight (almost lazily) on the sword, driving it all the way through to the other side and into the dirt. The creepy critter let out a shallow pained gurgle-screech as it died.

Just when they thought they had defeated the lot of them a mighty bloodcurdling screech let them know it wasn't over just yet.


	6. 6 - Queen of Arachnids

A/N: Monstrous spiders! Yes, yes, this is my favourite chapter so far!

it seems I know a little bit _too_ much about spiders… Spider anatomy names used in this chapter :  
*C_helicera- _The main section of the jaws (sometimes filled with venom) that connects to the tip- the _ fangs  
*Cephalothorax – _the front half of the spider where all its eyes and legs are. Its stomach and brain in this 1/2  
_*Abdomen_ – the second half that shoots out webs and houses the heart and lung-slit.

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

* * *

**Chapter 6 - Thee Queen of Arachnids**

A bloodcurdling screech reached Hawkes ears.

_"What in the Maker's name was __**that**__?!" she asked herself out loud, as she hurried to the window of the bedroom to look for the source of the noise. "Looks like… a spider" She answered herself unsurely, squinting at the massive beast moving through the trees. _

_Her eyes seemed to instinctively jump to her brother falling to his knees and that white-hair elf turning himself into a living shield before slaying a smaller version of the huge creature that was charging towards them from the east. _

_She blanched, lead filled her heart and stomach. A absolutely ginormous Queen spider was coming for her brother and her elf._

_Golden orbs frantically searched the room for one of her brother's weapons. Of course she had no idea how to use them, but if she could get to them before that beast did… _

_Her eyes fell on a set of daggers and the battered shield in the corner. _Perfect_. She swiftly picked it up and made a move for the doors when a pair of glowing hand prints on the stone caught her eye. _

_A puzzled expression covered her face. Lyrium. It has to be but how- ? No,_ Hawke thought, _it can't be. No one but dwarfs can get near the stuff without going completely bonkers…._

_No time to figure out how that got there right now._

_She bolted as fast as her legs could carry her. _

The ginormous raging Spider Queen and 5 of her lieutenants came into view. She clambered over the pile of her children's corpses letting out another screech that seemed to be a command to sick her lieutenants on the trio of boys.

The Tevinter side-skipped the _chelicera*_ the size of human arms of the first lieutenant, and landed a double Pommel Blow to it at the same time as the Warden to each side of its 'face', the Swordsman then swooped in and divided the critter at its centre.

The second spat its sticky web at the elf's feet, holding him to the ground. When it reared up to sink it's fangs in, Alistair swung his sword and sliced off one of the chelicera and Carver glided in front of the elf and crammed the blade up through the creature's mouth, brain and out the other side.

The third screeched as its many eyes were sliced open by The Grey Warden but continued to attack more aggressively than before. One of its flailing limbs kicking Carver's sword a distance away from him, feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable he pressed his back against the elf's and tried not to hyperventilate –_if I live through this these_ _flaming spiders are going to haunt my dreams for the rest of my life!_ "Swordless!" he rasped.

"You're not supposed to lose _that_ y'know" Leto chuckled, his back vibrating through the leather of their armour which was strangely calming for the blue eyed human. "Can you get my feet unstuck?" he asked as he cut off one of the lieutenant's legs "There's a dagger in my right- Arrgh" he howled as jaws chomped down on his hip. "boot."

Said dagger was in the youngest Hawkes' hands in seconds, and being driven multiple times through one of the chelicera a second later making the creature screech and let go of elven flesh.

He dropped onto his hands and knees behind Leto both to provide a bit of balance for the elf while he fought against the creature and to keep himself hidden while he worked on removing the web. The web was rather difficult to remove, so thick and sticky the blade hardly cut through it. He got one foot mostly free of its slimy prison as the third spider dropped inches from his face splattering him with blood.

He desperately tried to shove down the scream and bile crawling up his throat. _'Conquer you fear or die, Carver'_

Leto kicked his left foot free of the thick white goo.

"Make a run for your sword" Alistair commanded, dragging the raven haired human up roughly by the shoulder and shoving him in the direction of the sword, he staggered half-crawling over to it.

"Queen incoming!" Leto barked, trying desperately to tug his other foot free. "Venhedis!"

"Carver!" Hawke shouted, hurling the shield at him as hard as she could and shooting a Spirit Bolt out her hand when it didn't look like it was going to make the distance. "Catch!" He turned just in time to have the wooden shield knock the wind out of him as its curved face slammed into his stomach and chest.

The Queen screeched angrily at them for killing its children. It reared up on its four back legs before charging at Leto, the elf has just freed his feet in time to roll beneath her. In the creatures momentary confusion of where its prey had disappeared to give the elf a perfect opportunity to land a Back-Stab to the abdomen and Alistair hacked off one of its left legs.

The fourth and fifth lieutenants descended on them from the Queen's back.

The Queen flicked Alistair into the tree nearby as if he weighed no more than an ant.

The group was split.

_Shit._

"Hey!" Hawke screamed, she drew in a breath, focusing and shooting a Spirit Bolt at the ginormous hairy beast.

Wondering what had just hit it, the creature turned its attention on the blonde. "Yeah, that's right! Over here you ugly fuzz-ball!" She smirked, throwing one of the daggers and hoping it hit the creature. "Come and get me"

_A distraction!_ Leto breathed _But why is the mage helping me?_

The elf and The Warden used this momentary distraction to close the distance between them and the youngest Hawke with a few pained strides. With a shield in their team again and their formation back together the fourth lieutenant fell quickly.

The distantly familiar wave of healing magic lapped at the Tevinter's hip, closing it partly. He hissed, the magic hurt more than the wound itself did.

The battle with the Queen seemed to play out as if time had slowed.

Carver fell onto one knee, smashed his shield against the fifth spider lieutenant. Alistair sent a Pommel Blow to the top of its head. A look passed between the elf and the youngest Hawke, a curt nod and a move that looked like it had been previously choreographed followed. Leto stepped on the Swordsman's risen thigh, up onto his shoulder and over onto the stunned spider.

Somehow knowing what the crazy Tevinter's plan was and Hawke not wanting to see her elf walk right into the deadly jaws. She summoned mighty Spirit Bolt that zapped off two of the Queens legs, putting the spider off-balance, falling forward and face-planted into the ground with an angry hiss.

With her huge jaws filled with dirt she gave Leto that spilt-second of opportunity to make the leap from the lieutenant's abdomen to the Queens 'head' and snatch up her crown in a fluid movement he had the legendary jewels hooked on to his belt.

With a triumphant smirk on his face he drove the long blade of his sword into the flesh and staggered across the Queens now moving _Cephalothorax* _with his blade leaving a jagged welt in his wake.

Hawke threw the last dagger; it hit the side of the Queens insanely large abdomen. Leto bent to grab onto the daggers hilt as he came to it and slammed his sword into her silky flesh as she bucked underneath his feet trying to knocking him off.

Carver had a fresh wave of adrenalin soar through his aching limbs seeing his best mate dangling off the side of the thrashing monster, he charged towards the Queen with his gore covered sword raised, shouting, "You will not have him!"

Leto tore open two long gashes into the flesh one considerably deeper than the other. He was showered in green-black blood as he was sent clattering to the hard ground with a sickening crunch.

The Queen screeched. It staggered around, turning on its white-haired prey; a malicious glint in its many eyes.

The agony from the multiple broken bones and the burning of blood pumping out of all the lacerations hit him all at once now the adrenalin had ran dry in his veins.

The stench of burning spider flesh filled the air.

The elf struggled to keep consciousness, his vision fading in and out with '5' blurry angry Queens taunting him every time his eyes peaked opened.

The three blades, Spirit Bolt and Lightning Bolt had all came at the Queen simultaneously to bring the mighty beast down.

Bethany raced into the clearing after hearing all the horrid noises the ginormous beast was making. She ran to her sisters side, Hawke summoned the strongest Spirit Bolt she could and Bethany bringing forth a large angry deep red Lightning Bolt. They sent both spells hurtling at the Queens open mouth to sizzle its brain.

The raven-haired human used the daggers still lodged low on the Queens abdomen as foot holds to climb a small way up onto her. He could see the long red-grey heart pulsing wildly through the deep gouge the elf had created with his sword. With a strained battle-roar he put his arm almost shoulder deep inside and plunged his sword into it.

The familiar battle-roar reminded the elf this was no time for a _nap_. He lifted his blade up lethargically, ignoring his broken shoulder screaming at him, he aimed blindly sliced open its Cephalothorax from underneath as the creature loomed over him, spilling the half-digested goo from the Queens last meal over the ground by his legs.

Alistair raced along its left side taking off the 3 remaining legs on that side so its dying form would fall to the side instead of crushing the elf on the ground directly below it.

_"_Nothing like a brush with death to make you…..Not like death very much" Alistair remarked, strangled humour danced in his tone.

"'ey," Leto gurgled urgently, blood dribbling out the corner of his mouth. "Elf… dyin' ov'r 'ere"

The eldest Hawke was momentarily torn between wanting to finish the spiders work and beat the elf to death for making her go almost insane with worry or hugging/kissing the elf to death because of the overwhelming relief he was alive.

If Carver's leg hadn't been broken when he hit the ground after stabbing the Queen in the heart he'd have ran over and hugged the elf tightly to his chest while giving him a piece of his mind about chasing after legends. Instead all he could do was army-crawled his way through a few spiderling bodies before collapsing next to the hairy corpse of one of lieutenants, his arm out-stretched towards the Tevinter. "Hang in there buddy"

_How was he even still breathing with his left side caved in, shattered shoulder, a large jagged wound on his right side that wrapped around from belly-button to his spine and all that blood running down from that gash on his forehead into his mouth? _

"I.. I can't heal him on my own" she cried, clasping her hands together and looking to the sky "Maker, _help_ me."

Bethany ran to Dane's refuge as fast as she could, thanking The Maker her sister and brother were still alive and that fate had lead Wynne to be staying at the Inn for two days before she went on her way back to the Circle. She barged into the room screaming the old mages' name and practically shoving her out the door in her haste to get the Healer to the wounded.

_Forgive me_, Hawke thought_, I found something to give me the strength to me keep him alive. I can't chance Wynne not getting here in time. He is mine. I will __**not**__ let him die!_

Hawke knelt next to Leto, scrunching up her face as stomach goo, spider and elf blood soaked through the material at her knees. She glanced quickly over his battered form, deciding the ribs and hip needed attention first.

She breathed deep through her mouth to avoid the smell of death as much as possible.

"Hawke" Leto wheezed, feeling her mana shifting under the skin he urgently held a hand palm-up to signal 'stop'. "M'sorry. I tried… t'be a good frien' " he babbled deliriously thinking he was surely dying.

An elegant purple-grey skinned horned creature appeared before her and offered her something she couldn't refuse.

Instinctively he tried to shift away, his lyrium scars screaming warnings at him with the sudden surge of magic gathering in Hawke.

She focused, letting the creature of The Fade's magic soar through her, casting a shocking amount of green out of her hands.

His insides felt like they were being barbequed under the intense blast of Hawkes magic. "Stop!" He howled, making an attempt to slap her hands away from him "Magic.. _burns_. Uggh. Stop!"

She was almost blinded by the light bursting through the skin of the elf's un-gloved hand. "Leto, your hand is…. Glowing" she observed, hissing, and moving one hand to shield her eyes from the intense light.

He sent his knee as hard as he could into her jaw. "Get _off_ me!" The Tevinter grunted, trying to twist his body away from the mage before her hands came back.

He felt as useless as a fish flopping about on land. He whimpered, "Stop, please, _Stop!_"

"I can't stop." She leaned down to place a kiss to the cut on his forehead. "I'm saving your life you crazy elf," her voice was dark, a demonic undertone taking over her normally light, fun tones.

"Now, _stop_ squirming" She lunged at him, hands forcefully pushing at his chest pushing the broken shoulder into the rocky ground beneath him.

He howled, a strangled, desperate and tortured sound much like the cry of a dying dragon.

_Why couldn't I have just died when I had the chance….? Carver is most likely dead of a heart-attack or crushed when the queen fell.. I.. I killed him. After everything he has done for me, I repay him with an early grave. _

Carver had clasped his hands over his ears, but that did little to stop Leto's tortured screams from piercing his soul. "Hawke stop it!" Carver screamed hoarsely, "Can't you see that you're hurting him?!"

_And Hawke is…. Possessed by some kind of Demon? I tried to protect them, replace what was broken, and help them build a better life with the coin the Crown of Arachnid-oria would bring in… But I've ruined the both of them Leandra will never forgive me if I live through this…._

A warm tear rolled over his cheek cutting a path through the blood and grime on his skin. He struggled against the blonde's hold as he felt another wave of magic zapping at his insides.

He heard something moving behind him, he arched his neck, rolling his head back to find a pair of glazed pale blue eyes staring at him intently. _Carver_?

The raven-haired human pulled himself through another puddle of spider gore, coming to rest before the upside-down pair of green eyes. Elven fingers stretched shakily towards the human, a feather-light touch to the pulse-point of the neck_, He's alive._

_He's checking to see if I'm okay when he's going through hell? That damn elf and his twisted loyalty complex. _He frowned as the hand fell away, the elf clutching at his broken torso instead, a pained moan escaping him as magic assaulted him again. "Don't die on me." Carver whispered urgently to him. "The mighty Tevinter elf is not immortal you know, but you can't let a little over-grown spider beat you."

Leto chuckled wheezily; the loose bones fragment rattling around inside him made him feel like he was a piñata, "I like t'think I am" He tried to create his trademark smirk through his intense discomfort before coughing up blood.

"Knock m'out woul' you?" Carver blinked at him, puzzled trying to decode the elf's gargles. "Please? Arrrgh" the elf's body convulsed inward, ribs re-connecting themselves to the spine.

He rolled his head back to shoot a glare at the Swordsman that said 'If you don't. I will' he threatened silently, started to curl his fingers into a fist.

He'd seen that glare before. "Don't be stupid" Carver huffed, reaching over and grabbing the elbow of the elf, halting the attempt to punch himself in the face.

"Shut **up**, brother!" Hawke spat at them, the Fade creature sending a Spirit Bolt at Carver's chest.

His forehead dropped on to Leto's skull a pained mewl rumbling his throat at the contact. Dazed from the spirit bolt Carver found himself idly plucking bits of spider gore from the white locks.

The elf made a sound halfway between a hiss and a moan trying to roll his head so he could see what the youngest Hawke was doing back there. His voice a low rasp, " …Wha're you _doin'_?"

"Trying to decide the best place to land a head-butt. All the good places have spider guts on them though" He mused in a soft whisper as if it was the most normal conversation in the world.

Leto snorted.

_Bang!_


	7. 7 - Imprinted

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 7 - Imprinted.**

Hawke mumbled a string of 'sorry's and stepped out of Leto's room, she fought against the burning in her eyes and the bile trying to crawl out her throat at the site of her beloved elf. What she had (in part) done to him.

He was bloody and broken and it would be a miracle if he ever spoke to her let alone forgive her.

Asking a young Desire Demon for help was a bad idea. Sure the demon had given her powers a boost but the creature didn't care how it got the job done.

The Guilt crashed down on her like a tidal-wave drowning her heart.

She had slammed her full body weight down on Leto's shattered shoulder just to hold him still. She had been day-dreaming of the handsome elf lying beneath her for quite some time. But not like this, the feel of his bones crunching beneath her and oh Maker, the sound he made…. Bile had successfully made the jump into her throat, she darted outside hurling onto a trash pile.

He begged, screamed, even whimpered ( a sound she never thought she'd hear from such a strong elf) and had tried desperately to escape and fight back even with broken ribs, shoulder, and a chunk of flesh missing from his right side.

She rubbed the large ugly purple-black bruise and cut on her jaw given to her by one pointy elven kneecap. She refused to heal it, she would leave it there as a reminder of what measures she'd gone to save the elf.

She'd never felt this strongly about the last 2 boyfriends she had. Somewhere along the way this simple crush had blown up into something bigger and deeper. She was being driven insane when he was nearby, she wanted him, but for all her confidence she was uncertain of how to approach the elf with how she felt.

Would he shut her down just solely on the fact she is a mage? Or would he look past it and see her as the kind-hearted jester of a human she was behind all the magic?

Her chances of claiming the elf had probably all but blew up after using a demon on him.

Unless by some miracle he doesn't remember what she had done?

"Tell me, what were you thinking?" Hawke said "Do you know of the damage you could have caused him? He could be blind, lost his memory or you could have sent him into a flaming _coma_!"

"I couldn't stand to see him suffering like that. So I did what he asked me to do." he said plainly, rubbing the bump on the side of his head and looking at the unconscious elf "You have _no_ idea how much pain magic puts him in and with all the broken bones he had… I bet my life he was wishing he was dead when you-"

"How do you know what he was feeling?" She laughed hollowly, "What are you an emotions guru now, brother?"

"I don't need to be." His voice was hard. This was no time for jokes. "He was **screaming** at you to stop." He flinched, the elf's tortured howls echoing in his ears. He looked up sadly at his sister, his voice uncharacteristically small "But you didn't."

"I was trying to save his life!" She said defensively like that made up for her actions. "I did what needed to be done."

A Desire Demon offered her helpful clawed hand, and Hawke took it willingly.

"You asked The Maker for help but took aid from a _Demon_instead" His blue orbs suspiciously searching his sisters' face for any trace of the demon still lurking under the surface. It unnerved him that Hawke had thought so little of her Maker-given healing abilities and that of Wynne to call so easily on Demons.

"Without that power he would have bled out before Wynne could have got to us. That's why I called on help from The Fade. He's not allowed to die. I care too much for him to let that happen." She sighed, "Carver, I think I love him"

"You can't be serious…" he murmured, fighting the urge to laugh hysterically – they'd both fallen for the _same_ elf. _Maker, you twisted son of a bitch_. "Did mother not teach you to _listen_ to the people you care for. You don't hurt or torture them on purpose." He grumbled

"But you" she growled and pointed "You nearly cracked his head open how does that make you any different to me?"

"Because he **asked **me too!" The sudden booming of his voice sent shockwaves of pain through his temples. "He was about to beat himself until he was knocked out just to escape the pain you were causing him. Besides, that little bump on the noggin would have been like a tickle compared to what **you** did to him. Lookatwhat you and your fucking demon have _done _to him! And you claim to _love_ him!"

"How dare-"

"Look, if we are just going to argue I want you to get out, mage. The Healer says he needs to rest in peace and quiet." He pinched the bridge of his nose "Alas, we cannot change the past. All we can do is hope he pulls through for us." He sighed "This conversation is over"

Hawke bowed her head, mumbling a sorry before disappearing through the door.

Carver stayed by the Tevinter's side for the whole week the elf lie unconscious (only ever leaving to take a leak), he slept at the foot of the bed like a faithful hound waiting patiently for its master to wake.

* * *

The first lucid thought that broke through Leto's mind was surprised at the fact he was able to think at all. By all rights he knew he was, or at least _should_ be, dead. But he was alive and he felt like an Ogre had danced the Time-Warp on him.

He wished he could have hung in the cold, black oblivion of unconsciousness for just a little longer. But alas, consciousness sluggishly crawled its way back to him.

He could hear a voice rumbling softly near him, he tried to listen, but the throbbing in his head and the ache that seemed to be in every inch of him making it difficult to focus on the words.

His eye-lids felt as if they were made of stone, making it seem impossible to open them. He wanted to see who was in his room. Slavers, Demons, his master, Antivan Crows?

There was a weight moving on his shins like a Mabari scratching at fleas. He wondered idly how such a large hound would have snuck into the tavern without being noticed and why had it chosen to lie on an injured elf's legs?

The sound of the door squeaking open followed by footsteps entered his ears. "How is he doing?" a male voice asked.

_This Mabari knows how to speak? Impressive._

"He's still lost in The Fade." The voice was broken and hoarse "The Healer said his body is in a state of shock, it still believes it is seriously injured and so it has locked him in a deep sleep so it can repair itself. He's somehow put up a barrier against all the magic treatments. They can't tell when….or _if_ he'll ever…"

"He's a stubborn elf. He won't lie down an' die so easy. Just you wait, boy, you two will be runnin' amok in my bar and taking out monstrous spiders again in no time"

"I hope so, Danal" the speaker sighed shakily "But the light has gone from his hands. It's like h-he… like he's … d-dead"

The weight on his shin was now shaking so violently the bed and his body was swaying with it.

…_Who died? The Mabari's owner? Oh the poor thing!_

The creatures mournful whimpers tugged at his heart-strings and made him feel like crying with it.

Words somehow found their way into his mouth, "S'okay Mabari" he said gruffly, flexing his fingers blindly in the direction of the creature.

A chocking/gasping noise sounded from his feet "Leto?"

A name. Is this me? sounds kinda familiar... realizing the voice was talking to him the elf hummed. The weight shifted from his legs and collided with his chest, he could feel something wet falling onto the skin over his heart.

_The creature is dribbling on me? _He groaned inwardly.

"S'okay Mabari" he repeated, moving a hand sluggishly to stoke the hounds' fur. "I'm sure your imprinted human or elf is honoured you miss him so"

The thick fur suddenly turned into warm clammy skin and then to cloth under his palms. The elf furrowed his brow and forced his eyes open eager to investigate what exactly was lying on him.

The blurry figure draped across him was no war hound but a raven-haired human. He blinked a few times trying to clear his vision and clear the fog from his aching head.

The name of this human seemed be dangling in front of him like a carrot in front of hungry working mule.

He put a hand to the skull on his chest, rolling it slightly to look at the face beneath that mop of shaggy black hair. Puffy heavily blood-shot ice-blue eyes regarded him for a moment. He watched a single tear break free and run across the pale cheek, over bridge of his nose that seemed to hold its owners name as it dropped onto tanned elven skin. "C-Carver…?"

_You remember me_! Carver beamed, embracing the elf in the tightest yet gentlest of one-armed hugs he possibly could give from this awkward position. Overwhelming relief and joy had a fresh couple of tears spill out of his eyes.

"I thought… I was sure there was a Mabari lying on my legs but turns out… it was a Carver just as loyal as any war hound" the elf mused, lazily stroking his best friends head in a comforting manner like the human had done for him when lyrium burnt into his skin.

The sounds slowly died into small muffled hiccups and shaky breaths.

Unsure of what had made the human so upset he asked softly, "What's wrong, Carver? Please stop crying? It pains me to see you do so"

Carver sat up wiping his eyes and nose feverously with the backs of his arms. "I…. I thought you.. died" he murmured

"Did we drink _that_ much? Maker, my head feels like I have consumed all the ale in Thedas"

"You don't…. you don't remember?"

"I – No…" The elf tried to wonder through the fog in his brain, tiny snippets coming back to him _a cave, forest, spiders, Grey Warden, a battle,_ "Wait, I don't remember much.. but did we fight giant spiders with a Grey Warden?" Carver nodded. _Blood, falling, Carver charging at a monstrous spider_ "I– we– did we kill that really big ugly one?"

"Yeah. The Queen's dead." He affirmed "The things I do to save your miserable hide. I went shoulder-deep inside a flaming ginormous spider…" He grumbled, shuddering the feeling of spider insides cornering his arm all too fresh in his memory.

The Queen_. the legendary Crown of Arachnid-oria!_ He looked around the room, patting himself down in a suddenly frantic search to find the crown he remembered attaching to his belt.

"Looking for this?" A cold metal item dropping on his chest made him pause in his search, eyes jumping to the object. The legendary crown sat before him, its base littered with Sapphires, Topaz and Emeralds, its points twisted elegantly in small gold spirals that sparkled in the afternoon light seeping into the room.

An ex-slave had achieved the impossible and retrieved the legendary Crown of Arachnid-oria and survived.

A smile split his face from ear to ear.


	8. 8 - Gift Giver

A/N: I do not know if the Saddleback pig would reside in Ferelden but I just find that breed of pig absolutely adorable and the idea of teenage Fenris talking to a pig was just too amusing _not _to write :-p

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

* * *

**Chapter 8 - Gift Giver**

The Crown of Arachnid-oria had fetched him a royal sum of gold from a noble in Denerim.

He had become the richest elf in Lothering.

He shared the coin out between the Grey Warden and the Hawkes buying each of them expensive/meaningful gifts, and spent the most part of that year repairing and renovating Danal's tavern.

The only things he got for himself out of it was a set of Ancient Elven Armour reinforced with the thickest leather and a stronger metal breastplate. Modified so the pauldrons spiked, and the gauntlets stretched lowly across the forearm and flared into a crescent of spikes before the elbow, a metal plate with Dalish carvings covering the back of his hand and the underside made of thick Halla hide (as the Lyrium heated the metal to the point it scalded him)

And a beautiful sword made with Aurum called The Blade of Mercy from the noble that bought the crown from him. Danal was always saying one day he'd slay dragons so he was now prepared for the fire-breathing beast if he ever ran into one by installing a Grand-Master cold and damage vs. beasts runes to his blade.

* * *

Carver stopped mid-stride, jaw falling open when he spotted Leto adorned in his new fancy spiked armour leaning casually against the door frame of his room on the second floor of Dane's Refuge. _Maker, how can a suit of armour intensify his handsomeness like that? That green tint to the metal that goes so well with his eyes and all those spikes… _Mentally Carver was bashing his skull into the wall. _Stop staring. Close your mouth, idiot, close your mouth!_

"Carver" The Tevinter chuckled, closing the distance between them with two strides and lightly slapping his friends jaw closed with a gauntlet clad hand "Close your mouth man, it's not _that_ impressive"

The words came falling out of his mouth before he could stop them "Oh? So your plan wasn't to stop enemies in their tracks with this – Dashing-Dalish-Hero look then?" _Maker, Carver get a hold of yourself! You are just looking for a broken nose saying things like that…_

"Flatter?" He looked at the raven-haired human with an arched brow.

"C-Can't a friend give a compliment when it's needed?" _Nice save bone-head_

"Sure you can. Forgive me if I seem ungrateful, I am just not accustomed to being on the receiving end of such a… honest compliment." He smiled, his best friends' words sinking in, did Carver just call him _attractive_?

A praise like that from another boy should have sparked a nightmarish flashback from his past, should've make him feel sick to his stomach. But they didn't, the words made his soul swell with such magnitude of pride he was almost sure he would burst.

"It would be impossible to pull off such an outlandish battle strategy since there are very few females on the battle front." He chuckled, _how naïve is he to think an enemy would stay their blade at the sight of a scrawny elf in well-crafted armour_ "I've just always liked Dalish armour it's light, strong and comfortable but never had the coin until now to get them to craft me a set even with the friend-of-the-clan discount."

"Anyway, I asked you here for a reason. I have a surprise for _you_" Leto walked with the human to the closed door of his room "But you have to close your eyes"

Carver paused, a puzzled expression on his face, "What? _Why_? The door is closed and I don't have x-ray vision"

"Just close your eyes, Carver." he waited for the human to close his eyes before opening the door and ushering him inside. "Surprises are more fun that way"

"I swear, if you got one of those spiders stuffed and mounted for my birthday I will not hesitate to break your nose, elf" he murmured, blindly following the Tevinter into the room

"Stay here." He said, "And no peaking." Carver obediently did as told, as much as he felt like a fool standing in the centre of the room with his eyes tightly closed as the elf spent some time rustling around with some fabric followed by the clinking of metal. Curiosity was driving him insane, _What in the Void is he doing? Changing into another set of armour? Changing out of that… No, no, no that's definitely not it! Damn it. Why can I not get my head out of the gutter today?_

"Alright, you can open your eyes now" He was a startled when Leto spoke next for he did not hear the elf approach

He opened his eyes slowly, one at a time, suddenly anxious to what the surprise was. Leto was holding up the top half of a leather and red steel armour set with King Cailan's seal on the breast plate, a blue bow tied loosely across the torso the bottom half of the set draped over the bed behind them. Carvers jaw dropped for a second time today as he took the object from the elf's hands "Is that… Is that what I think it is?"

"If you think it is armour for King Cailan's army, then yes. The King has personally asked for your blade to join his ranks after Alistair told him of your 'fear-conquering swoop into the heart of the enemy'." He laughed at the face the blue-eyed human made, no doubt remembering the feeling of his arm covered in spider insides "And I pulled some stings got Cailan's personal armourer to forge this for you, soldier. What do ya think?"

"I love it!" He beamed, all but talking the Tevinter into a bear hug ( his chin narrowly missing the spikes) "The King seriously asked for _me_?" He could feel the elf nodding against the side of his head "Wow… I can't believe it. Thank you, Leto. This means a lot to me you know"

"I know" He clapped Carver on the back and stepped out of the embrace "I have one more surprise for you. A companion piece if you will, it also doubles as something to complete your birthday present" he pulled back the blankets to reveal the Greatsword, he then held it out for the human. "She is called The Grace-Maker."

Carver ran his fingers over the blades long cold flat surface, the runes in the Forte and the Mabari paw print made from jades in the centre of the wide Crossguard. "She's _beautiful_, Leto. Thank you."

"Glad you like her, I searched half of Ferelden for a blacksmith skilled enough to put gem stones, runes and inscription into a blade."

_Inscription… huh?_ He moved his hands to see the bold letters running down the length of the hilt one side saying '_Loyalty_' and flipping it over to the other which said '_Bravery'_ "You put a_ lot_ of thought into this" He mused, the smile nearly splitting his face. "I am speechless. I cannot express in words how thankful I am for these gifts. Best birthday ever!"

"Well, what are you waiting for? Try it on and let us introduce Grace to my girl, Mercy"

* * *

Leto was nervous, so much so he was sure that lunch would come back up to say hello. Giving a gift to a friend was not unheard, he'd given one to Carver earlier that week of so why did he feel so damn nervous all of a sudden?

Now he finally had it in his hands he wondered if she would even like it. What if she _hated_ it? Would he be able to get his coin back if she thought the twisting Ironbark branch unworthy or ugly? He'd gone through so much trouble to raise all the coin. Was all those months of sleeping in the woods, fighting bears, wolves, bandits and taking on an angry hoard of giant spiders all for _nothing_? The elf scowled at the thought, a fresh wave of nerves twisting his insides.

He twirled it in his fingers, for a brief moment understanding why mages took to using these branches to shoot out fireballs and ice shards over having them explode out of their palms.

He had been pacing back and forth in front of the pig pen with such vigour the past hour he had created a mini trench, mud and leaves curling over his ankles with each step.

The black and white swine in the far pen regarded him with its large head tilted. "Would you stop looking at me like that?" he said to the Saddleback pig, not breaking his stride to look at the animal.

He didn't need to look at it to know it was staring at him to the point he was convince the great swine was attempting to burn a hole in his skull. It grunted at him. He stopped this time and looked at the pig with bushy dark brows raised. "You're never going to burn a hole in my thick skull you know that, don't you?"

The pig made a screech like oink almost as if calling the elf a liar.

"Maybe one day, pig, am I to believe you'll be all powerful Magister and burning holes into elven skulls with your eyes alone?" The swine snorted happily, nodding its head. He chuckled and approached the pen resting his forearms on the wooden fence.

"Do you think she will like it?" he asked the swine, sighing, and twirling the staff in his hands idly. The creature seemed to consider the question before oinking its approval.

"Maker, I kept my word. I worked so hard to fix the wrong I made to save her life from the claws of that mage-hunter 3 years ago… but why do I feel so nervous about giving her the gift similar to what she seeks?" he asked the clouds this time with a frown .

He must be losing his mind from too much time spent in the forest because he could have sworn the short series of noises the pig made translated clearly to 'you like her'.

His green orbs jumped down to the swine "You think so?" his voice a few octaves higher than normal.

The pig threw its head up and down happily, its floppy ears bouncing about the large swine skull.

He thought for a moment of Hawke, her delicate blonde curls, amber-gold eyes, those curves (_Maker, those curves_) that charming smile and playful/kind personality. She was a beautiful person both inside and out. What do ya know, the pig _is_ onto something…

"You, Ser Pig, are _the_ smartest pig I have ever met" the swine dropped its head down in a sort of bow before it disappeared into the shelter to eat.

"Leto?" He could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke from somewhere close behind him. He held the staff along the length of his body so she could (hopefully) not see it. "Who are you talking too?"

He wanted so badly to say 'no body' but she had heard him speaking but to whom was a little embarrassing. His ears flushed red as he answered her honestly with a one-shouldered shrug, "The pig"

"You asked me here to test if I would still call the handsome elf in shining armour a dear friend after finding out you are a Pig Whisperer?" She asked, a fun tone dancing in her voice as she came to lean on the fence next to the tall dark skinned elf.

"Hawke I…" _Another compliment?_ What is with these Fereldens and fuelling his ego this week? "I want to apologize for missing our first sparring session." He started, and held a hand up to stop her interrupting, he knew the words she'd be planning to say would be along the lines of 'don't worry about it'.

"I thought it would be best if you had your own weapon to familiarize yourself with instead of learning with mine or your brother's daggers or greatswords. Because what if neither of us are around to give you our weapons if you run into trouble" Hawke nodded. "So I've been hunting with the Dalish elves again while their crafters crafted something" He chuckled at his own words "A gift. It's a bit late but, happy 19th birthday, Hawke" Leto pulled the Ironbark staff into view.

A wide smile split Hawke's face, the light of the setting sun making her amber eyes sparkle with pure happiness. He watched her delicate fingers running over the blade attached ¾ of the way down, the elegant twisting wood over the Rune of Healing shining as blue as the ocean at its centre and the smooth white pebble under it that (Leto thought) looked like a pigeon.

_"Do you… know who I am?" Hawke asked Leto anxiously, shortly after she had herd he'd woken up after the battle with the Queen Spider._

_The mischievous glint in the elf's eyes went unnoticed as he kept features blank, rubbing his chin in thought before he answered "Pigeon.. is that you?" _

_Hawke gaped at him as if 3 extra heads had sprouted out of his shoulders._

_He sighed, looking at Carver and shaking his head. "After all this time, Blondie still doesn't think I am capable of a jest every now and then" _

"Oh, Leto, it's beautiful!" Hawke cooed, springing onto her tippy-toes, throwing her arms around his neck and dragging him down to kiss him hastily and then pulled him into a tight hug somehow managing to miss the spikes of his pauldron.

He froze.

He hadn't expected a reaction like _this_. He had steeled himself for the staff to be thrown to the ground in disgust or to be told it was ugly, useless and the pigeon-shaped stone was just outright insulting. He hadn't even thought of the possibility she'd _like_ the staff, not _this_ much.

Flooded with relief, _she likes it_! His chin came to rest on top of her blonde hair and his arms hesitantly found their way around Hawke unsure of where to set them without stabbing her with the spikes to return the hug. "How dear of you, thank you _so_ much" she mumbled into the metal of his breastplate, squishing him flush against her. "I can't believe you did this for me."

_Wait… did she just… she did! Hawke. Just. __**Kissed.**__ Me._

They stayed in this embrace for a time, he wasn't sure how long a gift-giving/receiving hug with a girl lasted. Were they the same length as the one-armed awkward yet comforting hugs or that one bear hug he'd shared with Carver when he gave him Grace?

"…Does this mean you still want me to teach you how to fight?" He asked, popping the bubble of silence. He was looking forward to teaching her and silently preyed to the Maker she would still want to. He'd love to one day go against her new weapon with his pride and joy Mercy.

Before he could finished his question Hawkes head shifted out from under his jaw so fast his tongue was crushed mercilessly between his teeth. He removed his arms from her and brought his hands to mouth to check on his bleeding tongue.

"Of course I do, you dolt!" She laughed, pushing playfully at his breastplate. Hawke looked up at him with an almost bored expression, trying desperately to keep her voice serious as she said, "What if a dragon eats the magic shooting end of my staff? What would I do, tickle it do death?"

She eyed the gasping, squeaking elf with momentary concern before realizing he wasn't choking, he was in fact _laughing_.

The sound was foreign even to the elf it came from, normally when Carver or Hawke had said something funny he'd snort at it, chuckle lowly or make an amused hum-like noise in the back of his throat.

She tried to calm herself by taking in a deep, slow breath. "Why would you think I wouldn't want to?"

He shrugged, "Your brother could teach you how to use the blade end of your staff. He is a fine young swordsman who's won the King's respect for his skill in battle."

"But I want _you _to teach me" It was a logical excuse to get some quality alone time with the white-haired elf. "Having some skill with a weapon could one day save my life, the life of another Hawke, or I could even use it to save _you_ one day. So I will need to learn how to twirl my staff without cutting myself off at the knees. I am already short enough as it is"

"You are not that short, Hawke" He observed, his hand moving on its own and tucking a fly-away strand of gold back behind her ear "I am just a really tall elf"

He had not run away screaming when she had kissed him, and had just made a subtle affectionate move to her hair. She was flooded with a sudden confidence, she grabbed his wrist before he could move his hand away locking her honey-coloured eyes on his. "I really like you Leto… as _more_ than a friend. I have for a long time I put of saying anything because of your… dislike for magic. Even though I am a mage, I'm still a woman and I can't resist such a witty, skilled swordsman and _very_ good-looking elf any longer. Be mine, Leto?"

His insides went to war happiness, uncertainty and raw fear hurling explosives around in his gut.

As a slave he'd been used for years against his will to satisfy the needs of his Master(s) and their high-ranked apprentices.

He'd never thought it possible for someone to offer him a choice and a chance to say 'no' because they actually had feelings for him.

He wanted to tell Hawke what had happened to him but such a personal and traumatic thing he didn't feel as comfortable talking to Hawke about it as he did with Carver.

"I… I... I don't know… uhhhh…. I've never…. Um… okay" he should have just nodded and not made a fool of himself, stumbling over and choking on his words nervously trying to find his answer.

Hawkes triumphant smile ran ear to ear. 'Okay' was as close as what she was going to get to a 'yes' from the anxious elf. "S'alright, just follow my lead" She turned them around so his back faced the fence and pushed him up against it claiming his lips.

"Hawke wha–?" he started to ask. The mage's tongue forced its way through the gap, he made a muffled surprised noise at the contact. She moved against him, one hand gripping at his hair the other against his breastplate, it was like that day-dream scene he created when he'd seen Hawke in that green silk dress on her 18th only this was real.

He was unsure of how to go about returning the kiss, his movements light and somewhat awkward.

The mage made a wispy moan, her teeth sinking into his bottom lip and tugging at it.

He clamped his jaw shut, held his mouth in a firm line, and angled his head away.

The torments of his past flashed before his eyes. The apprentice Hadriana. Chains. Screams. That dark room that reeked of death and sweat…

"Leto?" Hawkes soft voice and hand on his cheek brought him from his flashback "Is it really that bad? You need to relax; you'll enjoy it more if you do." She took his gauntleted pinky-finger and wrapped hers around it as best she could "Promise."

Leto regarded their hands for a moment before looking to her face noticing the deep pink hue of her pale skinned cheeks. How had a broken ex-slave caused such a beautiful creature to blush? "I am glad you like your gift. But I… I need some time. I'm not ready for this." He said in a rush, bowing his head and side-stepping around Hawke.

"'Not ready'?" Hawke snapped, catching his arm "What kind of an excuse is that? You're almost 21. You are in your _prime _there should be a hoard of broody elven babies running around Lothering in your wake"

"Excuse me!" His voice dark and threatening, his scars lighting up with the rage now running through his blood. "You have _no_ idea what I've been through. How _dare_ you call my past a fucking '_excuse_'" He barked, snatching his arm back not caring that he sliced open Hawkes palms with the sharp spikes of his gauntlets.

"I'm so sorry, Leto, I honestly didn't mean to upset you. I didn't expect you to react like that… Forgive me?" She said softly, reaching up to put a comforting hand on the un-spiked shoulder "Take all the time you need. You know where to find me if you want to talk or anything"

He bowed his head and walked off without another word.

_Idiot_. He slapped himself in the forehead once he was sure the mage couldn't see him. _Not even together 2 minutes and already we've had a fight because of my flaming past. _

Hawke watched him disappear into the shadows of twilight. She was kicking herself for snapping at him when he didn't 'melt' under her like the other boys did. His lips had ghosted against hers, unsurely then suddenly he turned into a brick wall his jaw clenched so tight. What happened? Was her magic hurting him even when she wasn't even trying to cast a spell?

She hurried home for dinner to show off her new staff and inform the twins and her mother that she and the elf were together (leaving out the part where they had yelled at each other) and telling them of his rather adorable squeaking/choking laugh.


	9. 9 - The Fist & the Stone

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 9 - The fist and the stone**

Carver almost choked on his mouthful of rice and meatballs, spraying it unceremoniously in Bethany's face who sat across the table from him. "You did…. **_What_**?"

"Carver!" Bethany whined, plucking half-chewed hunks of food from her long black hair

"Food is for eating not for _decorating_ your twin with" Hawke pointed out, laughing "I don't see what the big deal is. It's not like I fucked your best friend on your bed. I just _kissed_ him. It's not a crime ser _virgin_ Hawke"

That got a mighty glare and growl from the youngest.

"Hawke!" Leandra scolded "Watch your language at the dinner table and apologize to your brother"

His blood was boiling at the thought of the elf possibly having a flashback because of how forceful he'd seen Hawke be with her kisses and being insulted for saving himself for someone he cared deeply about. He balled his hands into fists but somehow kept his voice steady. "I won't accept your apology until I know Leto is okay"

"What? Of course he is!" Her tone was defensive and the Swordsman gut told him something had happened she wasn't telling them. "I'm no Antivan Crow planting a poison-laced kiss on my prey"

"Liar." He hissed, in one fluid movement slamming a fist down making the bowl jump off the table drawing his blade with the other training it on his oldest sister. His voice hard and threatening, "He's my _best _friend and I swear, if you ever hurt him Grace and I will _not _hesitate to cut off your fingers"

Leandra gaped at her only son holding The Grace-Maker crackling with purple sparks to her eldest child's throat. "Carver Hawke! What have I told you about weapons at the dinner table!?"

He rolled his eyes "You said no weapons at the _breakfast _table"

"It's the _same _table" The female Hawkes all chimed together matter-of-factly,

He huffed and stomped out of the room before he lost what little self-control he had when he was angry.

_Bah! Women._

* * *

Leto was perched on the peak of the giant boulder near the river just outside Lothering he always came to when he needed to think.

What was he going to do about Hawke? He was still undecided how he felt about it. Of course he was happy that she saw _something_ in him even if he had no clue as to what, he couldn't see what one would find appealing in him. He was just a plain elf trying to survive day-to-day without Imperial Hunters and Slavers on his doorstep.

But he had no idea what one was required to do in a relationship. It seemed all it involved was playing cards and drinking, which in turn led to Hawke being even more bolder in her attempts to touch and kiss him. He liked her kisses (until they got rough – all teeth and tongue) but depending on how much ale he'd consumed he'd sometimes let her have her way with him – to a point – but when his past crept up on him when he wasn't drunk enough he halted their actions, much to Hawkes dislike.

She was trying to be patient with him but a horny Hawke had little-to-no patience. She has two-and-a-half years of time with the elf to catch up on. She wanted to see if the rumours about Tevinter men in bed were true, so badly, Maker she dreamed of it all too often. But after a month Leto still refused to let her see him shirtless saying that his scars are disgusting and he wasn't comfortable showing her yet.

That was half the truth. He was only just starting to get used to kissing, having hands running roughly over his bare skin was something he wasn't ready for. As much as his body screamed at him in the heat of the moment that it wanted to try, his brain always kicked the idea in the face not wanting to be reminded of the past that was still so fresh in his mind.

How does one forget the past and move on? The past was following him around like a dark cloud that he couldn't shake nor binge drink away.

Carver had spent weeks avoiding him, only regarding him with a curt nod as a greeting, and he even skipped their sparring sessions (and he had_ never_ missed one, ever). It upset him. Sparring with his best mate was his favourite part of the week. It was his escape from his thoughts, it made the whole world fall away leaving only the sounds of rapid heartbeats, heavy breathing and the clash of metal.

He missed the company of his male companion. He silently craved for that comforting calloused hand on his shoulder to tell him without words he'd be okay, he was safe, and the past couldn't hurt him anymore. He didn't understand why the youngest Hawke would avoid him like this. What had he done? Had something happened to him at Ostagar? _Would my hand on his shoulder have the same comforting effect or would it just be… awkward?_

He took off his gauntlets scowling at the silvery flame-like pattern swirling over his palms and up his fingers. The memory of receiving them replaying itself.

_A Templar was in the Hawkes' home. His blood ran cold. An urge like one that drives an animal to protect its kin filled him before he knew it, his legs had shifted gait from a walk to a sprint. His elven ears hearing every threat directed at his friend Carver as he grew closer to the small building that the Templar was trespassing in.  
No. _They will not harm the Hawkes._ He had to save them from this man like they had saved him from the slavers months ago. _

_He remembered the long-swords' tip pressed to the base of his neck. _

_He remembered the pain of the staff cutting open flesh as it snapped it over his knee._

_ He remembered his hands feeling like acid was being poured over them as the liquid Lyrium from the staff's core soaked into the cuts in his skin like he was a human sponge._

_He fell onto all fours after the mage hunter had seemed satisfied and left. His bloody and Lyrium filled hands stained the stone floor in the corner._

_Carver's hand was on the elf's shoulder, his voice filled with concern as he asked, "Are you okay, Leto?" _

What have I done? Hawke will probably never speak to me again._ He shook his head feverishly; the pain roaring through his hands was almost unbearable. "No" he growled through his teeth. He flopped onto his sides holding up his glowing, burning hands to his friend. "What __**is **__this, Carver?! Arrgh. It hurts!" _

_The blue-eyed human boy softly touched the elf's hand, "Liquid Lyruim." The boy said in disbelief as watched the silvery-blue substance swirl across the elf's palms before him. "I've never heard of it doing this before. The lyruim used in staff making should… depending on how old it is, it will stain the floor a silver or blue or go away in a small puff of blue smoke when a staff is broken… not do __**this **__to the skin of anyone, mage or not"_

_The elf snatched his hand back, cradling it to his chest howling in pain. _

_At the time didn't notice he had been dragged across the room, or being pulled into that awkward half-hug nor did he hear the younger Hawke's voice trying to calm him with a chant of soothing nothings._

He regarded his hands while his throughs wondered back though the memory again, the markings reacting, glowing at different levels of brightness and hue with his emotions.

He made a puzzled expression, was his mind warping the memory in its attempt to fill in the blanks he'd struggled to fill for the last two-and-a-half years?

His memory had recalled correctly. He remembered the embarrassing moment of his weakness with a sudden clarity; sobbing like a child with a skinned knee in his best friends arms.

_Leto had asked, no, he practically __**begged**__ Carver not to tell his older sister what strange thing had just happened to him and help him cover up the hand-prints that had stained the stone floor. _

_His pain and the blow to his little bubble of pride seemed to matter less compared to what Hawke would be feeling when she found Malcolm Hawke's staff, the __**only**__ thing she had to remember her father by smashed to pieces by his hands._

_ The elf had looked at the other boy with a puzzled expression when the raven-haired human presented him with a pair of worn, fingerless leather gloves. "A gift," the dark haired boy smiled, dropping them in the elf's lap. "Too keep your secret safe"_

_Wide green orbs blinked at him in the dim light of their hiding spot. He didn't have a chance to protest and tell the blue-eyes human he didn't want his charity, because one the gloves were already being slid over the sensitive flesh of his Lyrium stained skin. _

_He spat an elven curse at him, batting human digits away from him when they came back at him with the second glove. The elf growled, "I am not helpless, human"_

_Carver had chuckled when the remaining glove was snatched from him. "I never said you were, Leto. I'm just trying to help. That's what friends are for. We have each other's backs no matter what" he said softly, hugging the elf close and resting his chin in short white hair._

A wave of unknown emotions made his scars glow blindingly bright hue of blue at him. The other boy had _comforted_ him, assured him he'd be okay while patting his head soothingly like you would to calm a upset Mabari hound and here he was hurling stones because someone shown him… _kindness._

A crying slave was denied food and water for days or killed if they wept too loudly or for too long. He'd witnessed a young elven girl gutted because she was mourning for her mother.

He let out a disgusted grunt, the image of the girls' corpse still fresh in his mind all these years later. The thought of it, what his Magister did without a smirk on his face as he sunk the blade in. It made his blood boil. He slammed his fist down on the stone with all his might, his hand going straight through it like it was passing through water not solid stone.

When he went to pull his hand up to strike again he noticed something stopping it from moving._ What in the Void…._ His hand was_ inside_ the boulder, buried up to his wrist in stone. He blinked at where his hand should be. _How is this possible?! _

"Oh come _on_! Fasta vass! Give me my hand back you stupid fucking rock!" he growled in frustration, trying to yank his arm free awkwardly trying to use his whole body weight to heave it up like an extremely stubborn weed as well as keep his balance on the thin peak.

_This can't be happening….I've survived torture, rape, slavers, bears, werewolf attacks, and monstrous spiders and now am I to die here alone because no one knows where I am and my hand is stuck in a damn rock?_

"**_Venhedis_**!" he roared, giving a mighty tug. He was sent off-balance as the stone suddenly shifted and freed his hand, he fell over backwards into the wild rushing water below.

He was dragged downstream by the strong current hitting every tree root, log and rock along the way.

Every brief window he had to snatch in some air more water flooded up his nose and down his throat

The weight of his armour made him tire and sink faster than he would have liked.

Lack of oxygen soon dragged him slowly into darkness.

_Great, now I can add drowning to my list of things that made this week suck._

* * *

Carver struggled to keep the wall up in front of his hurt and jealousy so he avoided the two of them when they were together as much as he could. He spent extra time in the barracks hoping that the distance from the problem would make it magically go away. He worked himself to the bone so he'd be too exhausted to anything but sleep when he spent time at home.

Hawke thought it was sweet her brother was filling in the role of the loyal protective mate with his threats and warnings of taking her fingers if the elf was ever hurt, she would never let him hear the end of it if she found out the truth behind his actions. His family would disown him, the freak of a son that would probably never carry on the family name.

He'd seen them at the tavern last night. A intoxicated Hawke pushing Leto flush up against the bar and the elf's expression he could read all too clearly (even from across the dimly lit bar) his forehead creased with pain, large green eyes silently pleading at him. The forcefulness of Hawkes wild kisses and her hands trying to snake under his light leather armour was too much. The Swordsman knew the elf was re-living a horrible flashback of Hadriana. It broke his heart. He wanted to rip his sister off him and beat her until all her teeth fell out but instead he found himself bolting for the exit and emptying out his stomach instead.

Carver had searched all over Lothering for Leto. He felt absolutely horrible about acting the way he had been towards his best friend. He needed to apologize to him. He needed to fix their friendship before it completely fell apart because of him and his petty problems. He promised he'd always have the elf's back, but he felt like he had turned his back on the elf that night.

He's known for a long time Hawke had strong feelings for Leto. Curse their shared room to the Void. He was forced to listen to his sisters gushing about boys, the elf's eyes, his scowl, his voice and imagining what he looked like under the armour that always covered him before they went to sleep. No wonder his mind was as twisted as it was...

He knew Hawke would find a way to 'win' the Tevinter elf but when Hawke had told them she had kissed _his_ elf he felt like he had been thrown in front of a herd of rampaging Bronto. There were plenty of men in the village fawning over her why did she have to choose the elf? He wanted to scream his lungs out at Hawke for taking what was his.

But he couldn't do that. He had to keep his unrequited love for the Tevinter a secret from his family.

Only Alistair knew (and that was only because he had figured it out on his own) and he was thankful he had a good friend he could talk to about it or he would have been driven completely insane. The Grey Warden did not judge him for it, in fact he had been encouraging Carver for more than a year to make a move before it was too late.

_"But I can't – his past... I want to, but I just can't." he shook his head "What if I did tell him or make a move and he is reminded of it all… I can't do that to him. He's been through enough"_

Leto and those big eyes of his would make him cave-in eventually and there was a high chance their friendship would be destroyed and he would lose the elf as a friend forever after admitting his secre

He was sure that would hurt more than this look-but-you-can-not-have

_"I do not think I could take being on the receiving end of his hate or lose him as a friend" he sighed "I wouldn't put it past him to slice me in half with Mercy if I ever told him anyway." He chuckled dryly._

_"You are a soldier in the King's army and he is a warrior that is a magnet for trouble. As much as it sucks, death looms over us every time we go into battle." Alistair said humbly, placing a hand to the raven-haired boy's shoulder "Carver, trust me when I say you do not want to leave those three words unsaid"_

_"Having this conversation with him would be so awkward…"_

_"I know this has been really hard for you coming to terms with all this. But, if you feel this strongly for him you __**need **__to take this leap man. You never know when The Maker will take him to his side."_

_"Or when Hawke will swoop in.." he murmured, scrunching up his nose in distaste ._

_"Yes. Swooping __**is **__bad." The Grey Warden agreed, smirking slightly. "Unless it's one lanky broody elf swooping down on __**you**__"_

_"Alistair!" Carver whined, hiding his red face behind his hands._

Leto was his best friend, a brother and something the Forbidden Forest of his heart wanted (but could probably never call his own no matter how hard he wished and prayed to the Maker.) If Leto could not be his, he would dedicate his life to protecting him. He had self-appointed himself as the elf's protector and human-shield since Hawke had turned to creatures of The Fade all those months ago.

He'd probably never muster the courage to talk about it, given the elf's years of being brutally raped and tortured by the Magister and all his cronies. If he ever met this guy he would take pleasure in tearing him apart slowly limb from limb and driving Grace into that bastards black heart!

He reached the clearing near the river where he'd seen the elf sitting on the peak of that ginormous boulder. Rain, hail or sun it didn't matter Leto would sit there still as a statue staring off into the distance lost in his thoughts.

That's when he heard it.

The Arcanium curse and a loud splash.

_Shit! Leto!_

He bolted across the clearing in time to catch a glimpse of an arm and mop of white hair disappear over the top of the hill. He followed the shoreline for what seemed like forever not being able keep up with the speed of the current hurling the elf down steam as if he weighed no more than a leaf.

He wished he hadn't left the horse at the farm but he was thankful he had spent years running and working on his stamina or he would be crawling along the shore by now.

A fallen tree caught Leto long enough for the raven-haired human to close the distance. He dove into the raging water, towards the spluttering elf trying desperately to cling to the branch and keep his head above water.

Carvers fingertips just grazed the elf's arm before the strong current dislodged the tree from the rocks it was caught on. He cursed, being shoved under the water, the broken branches assaulting his face, arms and torso as he went through the submerged fork of the tree.

He fought his way to the surface and frantically searched for a sign of Leto.

The elf was heading straight for the second biggest waterfall in Thedas.

_Oh Dragon Shit!_


	10. 10 - Hero-complex

A/N : I have made Ostagar only a 2 hour ride via horseback away from Lothering rather than the days I suspect it would take to travel between the two locations.  
_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

* * *

**_Chapter 10 - Hero-Complex_**

The wind was knocked out of him as he collided with the water at the bottom of the waterfall. The water assaulting him from every angle rolling him like he was inside a angry whirlpool and pushing him further under.

His hand was a vice grip once he caught onto Leto's bicep. He was a strong swimmer but he was struggling with the use of only one arm, Leto's deadweight and not to mention the weight of his armour almost made the two of them drown.

His vision was starting to go blurred as he closed in on the surface. He thought for a moment he was going to die here never having apologized for being an ass, never seeing snow, be on the battle field fighting against the darkspawn beside the King and the Wardens nor would he ever experience holding or kissing a lover – Leto – because he didn't have the balls to tell him.

He couldn't fail him by giving in to deaths claws and letting them both die without ever telling him…

A surge of adrenalin pushed him the final meters upwards, he broke the surface taking in huge lung-fulls of air. He did it! He sent a relived grin at the elf beside him. It fell as quickly as it came, his skin was a ghastly shade of grey and his lips were goning blue. Leto wasn't breathing,

"Fuck!" He growled punching the water. He had not been fast enough, not strong enough to save the Tevinter elf.

Maybe if he could get to the shore fast enough he could somehow bring him back. He was no healer but there had to be a way for humans to fix this…

"Shemlin!" A Dalish elf who was fishing, who had seen them fly over the waterfall called to them from the shore. He wanted so badly to help, but he was unsure how a shemlin would take to being helped by a forest elf "Are you… okay?'

"Does it look like I'm okay? A waterfall just nearly killed us!" He sobbed, the anger behind the statement not coming through in the slightest. "Please?" he pleaded to the stranger, still trying to drag the pale elf towards shallow water, "Help me and my elf… friend?"

At the word 'elf' the Dalish was more firm in his resolve to help. He dove into the water and swam at a lightning pace to the centre of the lake. Between the two of them they dragged Leto's body up the muddy banks and onto the flat grassy plains. "I know this elf…" the stranger observed looking crestfallen. "Creators, please? Dareth Fen!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Carver asked, silently hoping that was some kind of elvish healing spell. "Do you know anyway to… bring him back?"

"I… uh in shemlen language it means 'be safe, wolf'" The Dalish answered nervously.

He took a deep breath, he needed to focus if they had a chance to save the elf who had taught him how to hunt "The Keeper has told us of one way. We need to first get some of the water out. Turn his head to the side" he instructed. Carver did as told, watching water trickle out from Leto's nose and mouth "Now turn it back to the centre. The next step is you putting air back in his lungs"

"W-what? How on earth do I do _that_?"

"Pinch his nose and breathe strongly into his mouth." Carver stared at the Dalish elf with wide eyes, _you want me to… what?_ "You _must_ do this to save him. It is the only way to get air passed all the water clogging his airway."

_Maker, please let this work!_ He begged silently, pinching Leto's nose and taking in a huge lung full of air. He hesitated briefly_ before pushing the air into the elf. This is not how I imagined doing this… if this does not work, my first time touching those elven lips will turn out to be the kiss-of-death_.

Nothing happened. He was about to freak out when the Dalish elf grabbed his shoulder and spoke "You may need to do this a few more times. He swallowed a lot of water. 4 breaths, stop and I will use my elven ears to listen for signs of breathing, and then repeat"

His human hearing wasn't strong enough to hear a heart-beat through the armour or the sounds of the Tevinter elf's faint strained breathing the Dalish said he could hear between the sets of 4 breaths. He clasped his free hand around Leto's gauntleted one, the Lyrium pulsing weakly under his touch letting him know the elf was alive.

Another set of breaths, still nothing. and an other.

On the thirteenth breath Carver emptied the entire contents of his lungs into Leto. Praying with all his soul that the air reserved in the deepest corner of his lungs could do the trick.

His hand felt like it was on fire but there was no pain, just intense heat. His eyes jumped (without breaking the flow of life he was trying to give to the elf) to the abnormal amount of bright dark blue light streamed out of the elf hand making the three of them have an unearthly blue glow to their skin.

Clawed fingertips dug into the back of his hand. He felt the Tevinter's head shifting under him, he pulled back angling the elf's face to the side as he vomited up the clear liquid.

_He's alive! _His heart and soul swelled with relief. _Thank you, Maker! Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

"Don't you ever tire of saving my elven hide, Carvy?" He croaked out.

His brows shot up at the nickname the soaked elf had just used, whether by accident or not. He was just overjoyed to hear his voice he didn't care what the elf called him. "Nope! My life would be pretty dull if I didn't have a _damsel in distress_ to save every now and then"

Leto thumped him hard in the chest with his fist. "I am _no_ damsel!" he scowled "The current was just –" he cut himself off all of a sudden noticing a pressure against his palm that was not causing him the discomfort that usually came with the Lyrium touching something. His green eyes fell on the pile of pale flesh and metal weaving between each other resting in the centre of his torso, making a puzzled face at it and speaking slowly. "..Why do you have my hand?"

"I'm sorry, I – it's the only way I could tell if you were still alive." He admitted in a murmur, quickly untangling his digits and rubbing the back of his neck. "I do not have superhuman hearing like you two elves do…"

_Two? is his head as waterlogged as mine? _

"Fen?" the Tevinter turned his attention to the distantly familiar quiet new voice. _Cammen? "H-how are you feeling?"_

"He helped me get you out of the water, told me how to… bring you back" he looked everywhere but at the soaked elf. "I am eternally grateful for your aid stranger" He offered a hand, the forest elf eyed it for a moment not sure what to do "Uh… Shemlen way of saying thank you" he explained, smiling, the elf took it and shook it firmly.

**"**I am fine,_Ma serannas da'assan,_ Cammen" Leto said bowing his head at the hunter apprentice. He translated, knowing Carver he would be curious to know what was being said. "My thanks little arrow"

"You are welcome, Fen. The camp is not too far from here, we should get you there quickly and into dry clothes so you do not get sick"

Leto struggled to his feet, trying to ignore the pain shooting up from his ankles as he walked between his two saviours. At the halfway point on the way to the camp his knees buckled unable to hold his weight anymore.

Without warning the swordsman bundled the elf into his arms, an arm under long legs and the other around his back. "Carver!" the Tevinter elf's voice shooting many octaves higher in his surprise "What are you doing? Are you _crazy_?" he wailed "Put me _down_!"

"You're leg is badly injured." Carver reasoned, trying to find an explanation for the spontaneous action for himself as much as for the soaked elf "I'm not letting you walk the rest of the way like that"

"I've walked around with worse." He squirmed trying to escape the vice grip his best friend had on him and get his feet back on solid ground "Put me_ down_ right this instance, Carver"

The swordsmen feigned dropping him and Leto was suddenly clinging to his neck like a leech.

"Not a damsel in distress, huh?" Carver joked, smirking down at the Tevinter

Realizing defeat, Leto grumbled a string of curses at him in Dalish and Arcanium the rest of the way to the camp.

* * *

When Leto woke it was dark, a couple of hours before sunrise. His body-clock still set to the slave work clock even after almost 3 years of being free. He looked around the tent the Dalish had set up for the two of them. Carver wasn't in the bed roll across from him.

How unusual for the human to be up long before the Great-Circle hung in the centre of the sky.

He stretched, inwardly groaning at the dull ache in his back from sleeping on the ground. He slowly rolled his ankle, bending it back and forth surprised the enchanted herbs wrapped up in a banana leaf had taken the core of pain from the joint just as good as any magic.

Leto poked his head out of the door flap of the tent spotting Carver sitting on a log in front of the campfire with his head hung and bare back to the tent. He didn't need to see his friends face to know it was him. The broad pale shoulders and ripped muscles were a dead give-away. Elves could never pack on the muscle like that.

A chilly breeze swept through his hair making him shudder. _Carver must be freezing sitting like that.._ He ducked back into the tent to fetch a wolf pelt and padded across the grass to the swordsman.

Carver's elbows were propped up on his knees, palms pressed together like he was praying with his fingertips holding his bowed head up in a way that didn't look at all comfortable. He had a distant, thoughtful expression playing on his face as he staring into the flames.

"Carver…?" The human didn't seem to hear him. He tried again a little louder uncertainly putting a hand down on his shoulder. He flinched, but his eyes did not leave the dancing flames.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I woke up and you weren't there. It is very unlike you to be up so early and uh, you look… sad, for lack of better word." His fingers squeezed the Ferelden's flesh in a way he hoped was soothing. "I'm not good at this comforting thing.. Uh, are you okay? what's on your mind?"

He sighed, but stayed silent for a shot time. He struggled to find words. He was worried if he spoke of what has been running through his head for the past few hours he would break down in front of the elf. He was the always the strong one. He held Leto's world of pain on his shoulders but it was his own Maker-given 'curse' and the emotional baggage that came with it that was starting to slowly crush him.

Leto continued to move his fingers in a massage-like way while he waited patiently for the Swordsman to find his words, smiling inwardly feeling Carver star to relax under his palms. He watched a shiver run down the human's spine, Goosebumps cover the expanse of pale skin. "Are you cold?" he asked, more to fill the silence because he knew the answer already.

_Of course the stubborn oaf would never admit it_. He shook out the wolf pelt and laid it along the length of Carver's back, its legs draped over his friend's shoulders, the paws brushing against his hips. "Carver, say something? You know you can tell me anything. Please? Your silence is… unnerving"

"Do you remember the last thing I said to you?" he asked in almost small voice, patting the space on the log beside him. The elf stepped over the small log and sat down there was little space enough for two, he could feel the heat radiating off Carver.

"You… asked me if I was happy with Hawke and before I could answer you were screaming at me to 'get the hell away from you, to get out of your face before you did something you'd regret'" Leto folded his hands together in his lap and frowned. "You've never turned me away before when I wanted to talk to you…"

"I was drowning and all I could think of was I'd never have a second chance with you, to take those words back, to never get a chance to throw myself at your feet and beg for forgiveness for being such a jerk to you these past few weeks all because I was… _jealous_." He pinched the bridge of his nose "I'm such an _idiot_. I am so sorry, Leto. Forgive me?"

"No need to beg, you idiot" he said light-heartedly, offering a smile "you saved my life a few hours ago. I forgive you"

"…A-are you happy?" Carver asked after a short silence, poking at the flames with a long stick. If Leto was genuinely happy maybe it would take a portion of that weight off his back or potentially add more to it. "With Hawke, I mean. I didn't give you a chance to answer the last time I asked"

"Honestly, I don't know." The Tevinter elf sighed. "I mean, I thought I would be, for such an attractive creature to see… _something_ in me, to choose me over all the others fawning over her. She's kind and funny and all that, but I – _this_ is all new to me but at the same time some of its déjà vu in the worst possible way"

The Ferelden put a comforting hand over the elf's knee.

"I was a fool to think I could ever find something close to a normal relationship after everything that _bitch _and half the Tevinter Imperium slaver circles did to me" He voice rumbled darkly with anger, curling his fists into tight balls on his lap.

"I thought… I thought maybe because I had a crush on her and she said that she cares for me that it would be different. That I wouldn't be shitting myself every time she gets smashed because Hawke has a one-track mind when intoxicated. I know where that will eventually lead if I drop my guard… and I _can't_. I don't think I can go there, just yet. I want too – _one_ day with somebody I trust 150% and for it to be special, y'know like it's _supposed_ to be"

Carvers wasn't even aware of his fingers absently running circles over the bony kneecap as he was listening to elf's words so intently while paddling through a pool of so many different emotions: Jealousy, sadness, anger, hatred, admiration for the elf.

He was so strong to be able to talk so openly about it and have his mind set on freeing himself from those chains of the past.

Carver couldn't help but notice the elf's choice of words _'somebody I trust 150%'_, not with a girl, not Hawke, _somebody_. Maybe it meant nothing but he wanted so much to cling to that sliver of hope.

He should take a leaf from Leto's book and not give up on something just because it seemed out of reach.

"I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me this kind of stuff. You know what I think? I think – no I _know_ you have the strength to overcome this and you will make-love with that special someone, that someone who will love you with their heart and soul, who will be gentle, let you be the dominate one… if you wish and who will treasure every single breath with you and stand by your side forever."

The Swordsman blinked, beyond surprised at his own words. He practically just confessed his love for the elf but didn't at the same time. He quickly ran over his words again in his head to double check he didn't mention his own name or any hint he would be talking about himself.

He let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding and turned his attention to poking the campfire with that stick again. Hoping he was sitting close enough that the heat rising in his cheeks could also be hidden by the warmth of the flames on his skin.

He knew the elf was smirking as he spoke, "I didn't know you were the romantic type, Carvy"

"Shut up" he grumbled, shoving at the elf's shoulder.

He could hear Leto chuckling in his low Tevinter tones that slowly faded until silence fell upon them again. The grey light of just before dawn started to stretch into the sky and across the lands.

"How did you know where I was yesterday?"

"I didn't. Was it fate or chance that lead me to that clearing with the giant boulder?" he mused, keeping his gaze locked on the fire. "I heard a splash and I don't know how but I _knew_ you were in danger so I ran, Maker, I ran until my legs ached and my lungs burned to get to you before you went over one of the biggest waterfalls in Thedas. Maker only knows how we survived that drop or how I got us both to the surface. But you… you weren't breathing. I thought I l-lost you" His voice wavered, he put a hand over the left side of his chest as if to still the organ from skittering into tiny invisible daggers of pain "…again. If Cammen hadn't been there… I can't even…."

Carver was upset because the elf had gone so close to Death's Door? He should be happy that the Tevinter was back in the land of the living, shouldn't he? He had survived because of the human forcing air down his throat. "Why would you risk your life like that to save mine?"

He could feel the elf's eyes on him. Carver looked over at his companion. The moment azure blue orbs shrink-wrapped in unshed tears met the intense and curious gaze of dark moss green the words came falling out of his mouth before he could catch them "Because I love you, Leto"

The briefest pause, his breath hitched, his mind running a mile a minute. _Did I really just say that to him_?! _100% sober?! Quick, quick cover it up you sleep deprived love-sick bastard!_

"You're my best friend; you've had my back more times than I can ever count. The guilt would've drove me absolutely insane if… if I lived an' you d-didn't." A tear pushed past his resolve not to break "I was ready to take on the waterfall again and let myself drown if you didn't come back to me"

Leto felt compelled to say those three words back. He's never known family or friendship before coming to Lothering but he knows he cares for Carver with the same intensity as one would love their brother, sister or mother. Those words he'd never had directed at him before or that he'd never said to anyone before clung to his throat. "I – uh, thank you?" He wanted to slap himself for not being able to repeat those meaningful words back to his best friend. "Actually, that's part of the reason I fell in" He recalled with a small chuckle.

The Swordsman arched an eye brow.

"I was thinking, and after all these years I still cannot wrap my head around why you Hawkes continue to show such undying kindness to an ex-slave you picked up off the street. A broken elf does not deserve it." He hung his head "I took my frustration out on the rock and lost my balance…"

Silence fell over them again, the only sound to be heard was the light crackling of the fire and the distant call of the forests creatures waking up. A few minutes past before Leto spoke again, "To kill oneself is a sin in the eyes of the Maker"

"I don't care!" Carver cried, calloused hands suddenly cupping both sides of the elf's face and forcing Leto to look at him "I don't want to live in a world without you in it"

That unknown emotion was back crawling through his heart and gut at the Swordsmen's broken, longing expression and the words he somehow knew came from the bottom of Carver's soul. "You really care _that _much?" He asked softly.

All the raven-haired boy could do was bow his head in a nod. He wished he had nerves of steel so he could show the Tevinter elf how much he really cared, he had to push the overwhelming urge to claim those soft elven lips to back into the corner of his mind.

He's already bared more than enough of his stupid twisted feelings to the elf for one night/morning

"Carver, promise me, no matter what happens to me that you will never do such a thing. I will kick your ass around The Golden City for eternity if you do"

Carver stared at him, breathing shakily how could he keep such a promise? Leto owned his heart, if the elf ever did die he was sure the organ would refuse to continue beating, it would shrivel up and turn to dust like a corpse left in the desert heat.

"Carver." Leto's voice was low and stern, his eyes hard he wasn't asking he was_ demanding_ it. "Promise me"

"Only if you promise to tell me if Hawke ever hurts you so I can chop off her blighted fingers" He removed his hands from the elven face and held one out to shake on it. "Oh, and not to call me 'Carvy' in front of my sisters, they'll never let me hear the end of it"

He smirked and took the Ferelden hand giving it a firm shake. "Deal."


	11. 11 - Past Demons

A/N: **Warning**. Kinda intimate moment with Hawke/Fenris –and featuring flasbacks of Fenris' mistreatment from the Magister  
_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

* * *

**Chapter 11 - Past Demons **

A lot happened in the 5 months that followed and Leto struggled to wrap his head (and/or heart) around the situation he'd somehow got himself in.

Carver's words _'because I love you, Leto'_, that look of sincerity painted onto his pale features and the surprise, fear, shame and sadness darkening those tired bloodshot ocean blue eyes often echoed in his thoughts and sometimes invaded his dreams.

The more he thought on it the more he found himself believing that those words held a hidden secret that had accidently slipped out and was _almost_ covered up successfully.

The gears of his mind kept coming back to the same conclusion. But it couldn't be true. Carver was as straight as a wooden plank. He ate like an animal and drank like a war veteran, talked of sports, battle, girls and what his future family would be like. He walked with an arrogant strut but he was a complete gentleman to the ladies. He was that guy that no matter how drunk he was he'd knock a guy's teeth out for advancing on a girl who didn't want the attention.

He started second-guessing the little things Carver always did. The Swordsman had taken to walking so close their armour bumped together every few strides and him forever landing sneaky touches to his arms, shoulder or whatever body part the younger dark-haired boy could get away with 'accidently' brushing as he past or as he talked with his hands.

He wondered if these were a natural tic to the boy's personality, to be friendly and offer comfort but never coddle him or was he going out of his way to do so to subtly hint at his secret affection for the elf.

He had been thinking on it too much The Fade created illusions and dreams while he slept of what it could have been like if the youngest Hawke had made a move first…. He woke in a sweat his scars glowing a deep blue hue

He sometimes caught Carver (pretending he wasn't) watching him intently as if the elf moved too far from sight he would wonder over another waterfall. He never pointed out or let on that he ever noticed and just let the boy eyes follow him like a hawk (pardon the pun) he'd never say it out loud but he felt a lot safer knowing Carver's constant gaze was always on the look-out for any harm that could come to him.

He started returning those fleeting touches he wasn't exactly sure why – in a way wasn't this cheating on Hawke _thinking_ of her brother in that way? Was it to prove to himself he was right in his suspicions? So he could smirk inwardly at the breath hitch or the goosebumps springing up on the Swordsman skin beneath his touch.

But he couldn't help it - _damn Carver why did he have to grow up to be such an… attractive young man._ There was just _something_ slowly drawing him in like a moth to a flame, a voice in the back of his head whispering to him to touch, to hold, and to make the raven-haired, stony faced and angst riddled boy smile so much his sapphire eyes sparkled like the gems they are.

The Maker sure had a strange sense of humour putting him at the peak of this odd little 'love triangle' after everything that has happened to him. Maybe the Maker wasn't trying to humour him with this twisted feeling of his heart slowly being divided between the two maybe he was just being sent an abundance luck and love to make up for the years he those things had been way out of his reach.

One thing he could not understand was the youngest Hawke's fascination with his hair whenever the boy got a few drinks in him.

_Leto raised a brow in silent question at the drunk male twin who had just been plucking at something in his hair as he staggered out of Dane's Refuge. "There was a… leaf in yer 'air" Carver slurred, that almost-innocent sleepy lopsided smile plastered on his face. _

_The elf raised his brow further; he knew nothing had fallen on his head "It was a small one. Sah small dem big eyes ca'not even see eet" He rolled his eyes at the younger male "oh…kay maybe methinks just a shad'w"_

* * *

His relationship with Hawke had been taking baby-steps forward (but they were big steps – leaps even – for Leto) Public displays of affection was something Hawke wanted to both show off to the other girls what she had scored and use the elf as a shield of sorts against the men that still chased after her. The elf took the first few who challenged him out with a single lazy punch much to the twins' amusement. He kept it to as much of a minimum as possible, he did not want to upset the blue-eyed Hawke. Carver had witnessed them once before and the look of hurt on his face before he turned on his heal stung Leto, and the sounds of the young Swordsman retching outside made his own stomach lurch.

He started to let the mages hands snake under the thin fabric of his shirt, running over and massaging his back and shoulders as they made out. He couldn't stop the shudder every time smooth fingertips grazed over the scars left by the Magister and his torture devices. He didn't want her to stop though, he wanted to feel that tiny glimpse at happiness that tangles in your gut when the one kissing you cares about you.

He was quick to figuring out just how oblivious Hawke was to the fact that sometimes it was his dark past that was sparking the shivers and soft whimpers and not her. He wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing, he was leaning more towards the latter.

He had on occasion been the instigator of it all like he was tonight. A hungry fire in his belly – adrenalin from his intense sparring match with the male Hawke still running through him, propelling him forward. He fought for dominance in these kisses instead of passively letting the mage lead, his hands roaming everywhere they could reach without his mind directing them.

He smirked at how the surprised Hawke melted and moaned under his advances. Hawkes shirt was lost at some point neither of them knowing which one removed it. He ushered her forwards by the hips, while he stepped backwards the two of them stepping in unison towards the bed until his long elven legs hit the frame of it.  
The two of them fell onto the mattress, the elf onto his rear and the mage landing gracefully to straddle his thighs.

A look passed between them, Hawkes delicate golden eyebrow raised slightly in question as she fingered the hem of his white tunic. He bit the inside of his cheek as he nodded and let her peel the sweat-soaked fabric over his head. When he heard the soft 'thunk' of the material hitting the ground and felt Hawke's eyes on this section of skin for the first time he wished the fabric still clung to him that insecurity and hesitance coming back to him over-ridding the lingering adrenalin.

"Maker…." Hawke breathed, her golden orbs trailing over all the toned tanned skin covered in a splattering of scars before her. That muscled chest and slightly bulking shoulders, that chiselled six-pack laced with a thin dark trail of hair descending down until it disappeared under the waistband of his trousers. It was more than she could ever have imagined even after all those years fantasizing about what lie beneath the armour. She never thought an elf could ever pack _this_ much muscle and still manage to keep himself upright on those long thin legs.

"Hawke" his voice lower and slightly more rigid than usual as he shifted uncomfortably under her stare, turning his head slightly away an old habit resurfacing "…Please stop staring at me"

She pushed the elf down onto his back, laying flush against him smiling at the small noise the elf made when her breasts came in contact with his chest. She captured his mouth once and then started to lay a trail of kisses down the elf's neck, sucking on his collar bone before moving down the dark skin of his sculpted torso, the muscles rippled under her tongue as she dragged it back up the path she had come down.

Leto made a face and groaned at the taste of his own sweat on Hawkes tongue when it made contact with his again.

Hawkes smooth fingers kneaded at his pectoral muscles and pinched at his nipples. His mind wondered, momentarily imagining what the calloused hands of the young warrior would feel like instead of the silky feel of the mages'. He surprised himself when he arched into the touch and moaned into Hawkes mouth.

One of her hands snuck lower and lower heading towards the space between his legs while she had the top half of him distracted. Her fingertips very slowly slid under the waistband of his trousers Hawke was sure this heated moment was going to lead her to finally getting laid when she grazed the coarse hair and slightly swollen flesh beneath his small clothes.

But it all went spiralling downhill.

_The light was sucked from the room. He was in the dark torture chamber of his master's dungeon. Danarius' face was smirking at him as he ripped the 11 year old elf's pants down to his ankles…_

"No!" he howled, pushing Hawke off him and scurrying up the bed until his back collided with the headboard breathing heavily.

"Alright, alright." She made a frustrated groan "Just come back here and we'll go back to kissing and chest touching then"

_His legs shoved apart, the Magister's clammy hands touching all over his bare chest… _

"No! Stop it! no, no, no don't touch me.." He whimpers, cuddling his knees to his chest, his eyes clenched tightly shut, thrashing his head feverishly from side to side.

Hawke's disappointment was quickly overshadowed by concern for the distressed elf. She'd taken boys' virginity before and none of them ever reacted like this. Lost in the moment, driven by the instinct but something was seriously off here that she couldn't put her finger on.

"Leto? Shhh calm down. I know you wanna take this slow but –"

_Danarius yanked him closer by the hips and mercilessly pushed his way in…_

Leto's sudden tormented scream cut her off."Nooooo! Ahhhhrrrgh it hurts stop, No, no, no, no stop! Stop! Stop it!"

She felt tears burning in the corner of her eyes seeing her elf so much pain, so much sorrow and torment etched into his features. She wanted to pull Leto into her arms to comfort him but at the same time she didn't want to touch him in case he freaked out even further.

"Shhh. It's all right, you're okay." She said softly "It's okay, Shhh no one is going to hurt you"

Carver had told him one day to think of something that he finds calming and relaxing or something that makes him happy to chase away the nightmarish flashbacks.

He thought of running bare foot through grassy fields, sparring sessions with the boys, Danal's cooking and Carver's hands in his hair. He wasn't sure where the last thought came from but it made the dark torture chamber fade away from him and let it be replaced with his brightly lit bedroom with an upset, concerned Hawke looking at him.

He looked at her with a confused expression "Hawke? Why… Why are you looking at me like that?" Realization hit him the second after the words left his mouth. "Oh no…"

He put his face in his hands "You probably want an explanation for that. I – Uhh this is… difficult to say." He sighed roughly "Um….Carver said I should have told you earlier so you didn't freak so much if I did… **_that._** I-I can't do this…. I thought I could, but I can't… it _hurts_ to much to remember–"

"Carver?!" She cut in, her mind leaping to a disturbing conclusion "My brother he…? He did something to you didn't he? That sick twisted angry little shit!" She vented. "I _knew_ he was hiding something from me. I will _rip_ his balls off and _choke_ him with them"

The Swordsman's favourite threat coming out of the mage's mouth, the elf probably would have laughed at how strange it sounded coming from a girl if his best friend wasn't just accused of being the one who raped him.

"What?! No!" he gasped, mortified she would even think of her brother would ever do such a thing. The Swordsman would never ever harm him, for all his muscle he was as gentle as a kitten but as protective as an alpha High Dragon of his clan. "Let me finish, you got it wrong. Carver loves me like a brother he would **_never_**do anything to harm me. Maker, why would you even _think_ that….?"

She should know her youngest sibling takes his vow to The Maker seriously; he would stay pure until the day he died if he never found 'the one'.

And Leto was sure if Carver ever did admit his feelings the boy would happily stay pure for him if they could never be intimate as long as that meant he could stand by the elf's side forever like the most loyal Mabari in all of Thedas. He wasn't sure which dark corner of his mind the thought had come from but he knew in his heart that is was 100% truth.

The defensive tone in his voice plummeted into a small broken voice, looking away from Hawke and out the window "Back when I was a slave for years my master he – they –" he sighed and forced the words out of his mouth "They tied me down and forced themselves on me whenever the need called for it."

"Oh Maker! Leto…" She sobbed, "I'm so sorry I had no idea. That's so horrible" her mind zoned in on the words he'd said after the first time they'd kissed: **"You have no idea what I've been through. How dare you call my past a fucking 'excuse'"**

Her heart clenched, she had caused him pain, made him so uncomfortable, and worst of all she made him remember the one thing he tried so hard to forget. She was almost as bad as the bastard that did this to him.

"You have no idea how hard this is for me, Hawke. I don't think I will ever be able to make you happy." He shifted to the edge of the bed, picked up his shirt from the floor and stood up on an angle so the scars on his back did not enter the mages line of sight. She'd seen enough of him already tonight he did not want her to see any more. "I think it's best if I go"

She reached out to the only part of him she could reach, to halt him, her dainty fingertips touching the jagged scar on his right hip lightly. He flinched. "I don't want you to go. I care about you, and you **do** make me happy." She offered a smile, even though he was looking at the floorboards "We can work through this. I'll do anything, just please don't go, give this another chance?"

He remained silent, trying to collect his thoughts and put his wall back up over his emotions. That flashback had felt so real it made his stomach lurch and skin crawl.

"What a fool I have been. I was too blinded by your aura of sexy broody elf I didn't read the signs were practically clobbering my skull in" Hawke said sadly "All this time I thought you were being hesitant and kept flinching at my touch because of you being a virgin or your belief in The Maker and wanting to save yourself for the right time or something."

"I am sorry Hawke" he lifted his head to look over his bare shoulder at her "I did not wish to tell you this but you eventually would have found out the other half of the reason I could never let you see this… _hideous_ expanse of flesh" the words were almost like venom as he motioned his torso before slipping the tunic over his head and crossing his arms over himself still feeling self-conscious and exposed even with the material now covering him

"Hideous?" Hawke repeated in disbelief, blinking at him. "Have you seen yourself? Leto your torso is like a piece of art sculpted by the Gods."

"Funny" He snorted, tugging at a loose thread on the base of his tunic "Carver told me the exact same thing once."

"Good to know my brother isn't blind then" She said a strangled humour in her voice, getting off the bed and side-stepping around Leto so she stood in front of him. She pulled him into a hug and started blubbering into his chest "I feel so horrible. I'm just as bad as the people that did this to you" she sobbed, fisting the material at his shoulders "I was so impatient with you I kept trying to get you drunk to loosen up so I could get laid. Maker how could I do that to you… after everything you've been through"

She had cried herself to sleep that night in his arms.

A part of him couldn't understand why she was bawling her eyes out over something that wasn't her burden. He had never shed a tear over it when it was happening to him he wouldn't give the Magister and his cronies that satisfaction, his iron will let him hold it in even if the unshed tears were like acid destroy him from the inside. He couldn't break. That wasn't an option.

A part annoyed that she didn't react like Carver had: wiping the single tear that escaped away with his thumb, an understanding nod, a reassuring smile and a comforting hand on his shoulder promising him he was safe here, that the raven-haired boy would always have his back and that the he would drive his sword through the sick bastards' heart if he ever crossed paths with him.

A part of him wanted to shove her off him because of how much he despised being coddled. And partly because of how uncomfortable it was to have a half-naked Hawke sleeping on him and that low window ledge digging into his spine, his neck and forehead aching from being pressed against the window until the break of dawn.

Hawke treated him like he was made of glass after that night. Those awkward touches like he would shatter into a thousand pieces under her fingertips and that look of pity in the golden depths held even when she was smiling at him for weeks after.

He didn't want to see that pity when he looked her way, because that reminds him that he has been broken.

He wished it could be how it was before she knew when she acted on impulse those dirty jokes casually slipping into conversation and her sneaking up on him with surprise kisses, hugs or push him up against something in whirl of drunken passion without the 'is it okay if I do this?' look before she did any of those things.

In the heat of those moments of her affectionate touches and almost-rough passionate kisses he could forget. Forget about the nagging pain in his hands from Hawke's mana humming wildly under her skin. Be distracted from his growing interest in the youngest Hawke. And sometimes he even forget his past.

If only for a short while


	12. 12 - Mind Battlefield

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 12 - Battlefield**

Maker, he thought by now this phase of an inhuman sized infatuation with the elf with hair as white as the moonlight would have passed by now instead of grow like a _tumour_ on his heart.

He thought it would have at least been cut down a few levels after what had happened after the battle with the Orlesians at Redcliffe. While he was searching for wounded people and elves he came across a couple, a young male villager and one of the Redcliffe soldiers sharing a kiss on the docks against a wall.

H_e'd seen too many women and men this afternoon mourning over their partners and brothers in arms. It was nice to see a couple both make it out alive, the overwhelming relief and happiness they must be feeling because their lover had survived the battle._

_He almost let himself smile at the pair until he noticed a trio of Redcliffe soldiers coming around the other side of the building. He ducked behind a pile of nearby crates. Carver wanted so badly to call a warning but his voice caught in his throat and all he could do was watch as a great-sword was slammed through the soldiers back, withdrawn with a sickening squelch of flesh being torn the squeal of metal against armour and drove right through the villager's gut pinning him to the wall._

_The trio laughed heartily at the scene._

_The wounded soldier crawled over to his partner grasping at the others hand, holding it until he bled out and collapsed on the wooden planks of the docks at his partners feet, the cries of the soldiers' name and the 'I love you' falling on dead ears._

_Carver's stomach acid finding a new way to make him feel sick._

Carver's jealousy and hurt because the elf would never return his feelings had turned him into a bitter, he'd build up walls and clung to his anger to (hopefully) disguise how miserable he truely was.

It wasn't fair of Leto to offer those fleeting touches to his arm when he wanted Carver's attention, that cheeky glint in his eyes that made the Swordsman think the elf _had _spotted him staring but he didn't say anything and that slightly arrogant swagger that had found its way in to his step.

These actions were a bittersweet and led to his mind wondering, to think the other man could be hiding a secret crush on him too and that all this business with his sister was just a cover-up. He'd heard stories from The Wardens and King Cailan's army of men who have wives and children but frequent the whorehouse The Pearl for the company of a another man.

_As if I could be so lucky… Leto would never…_

He could no longer concentrate on a woman, appreciate her luscious curves and hour-glass figure in the little clothing the females of Lothering dressed in or in her small clothes and have his raging teenage hormones turn him on in his private-time.

_There's something wrong me. _

His mind always changed the images in the haze of his approaching climax and replaced the faceless broad with large breasts with Leto's chiselled features, green eyes and his lean muscled body moving against his own.

He groaned low in the back of his throat as he spilled his seed over his knuckles.

He cursed, almost punching himself in the face when the string of swears the Tevinter often used flew out his mouth instead of his native Ferelden curse.

He sent the back his skull repetitively against the stone wall of his room.

He just jerked off to an image of his _best friend_ who is a _male _and is dating his damn older _sister_.

_Fuck. _

_Something is seriously __**wrong**__ with you Carver._

A landslide of guilt, nauseousness, shame and the disgust he felt towards himself battling it out to the point he hoped the floor would open up and swallow him into the Void so he could escape his mind and organs violently twisting inside him.

It was the same result every time but he still went back and did it time and time again chasing the other feelings that surfaced before the guilt came along to suffocate him.

He scowled at the memory of it.

He drowned the rest of his drink, looking over the brim of the mug at the elf that invaded his mind, heart and soul. His scowl deepened when the eldest Hawke sauntered up to the elf and pulled him down into a kiss, her hands tangling in the white locks at the back of his neck.

A green eye flickered in his direction, he couldn't decipher look the elf was giving him from across the badly lit tavern. Surprise? Apologetic? Guilt? He shuddered.

His older _sister_ and _his _elf. It made him queasy but he held the bile down not wanting to hurl until he'd destroyed his liver a bit more first.

Danal came over to him with two pitchers of ale "On the house" he smiled, holding a hand up when Carver reached for some silvers to pay "Welcome back my boy!" he chirped, clapping the soldier on the back before crossing the rom back to his place behind the bar.

Nothing ever seems to bother that man. What is his secret to always appearing so happy?

In the midst of a room that reeked of sweat, piss and beer, that unmistakable smell of leather and forest that always clung to the Tevinter entered his nostrils.

He looked up to see if his sensitive nose or mind were playing a trick on him.

"Hey, man!" the elf greeted enthusiastically, "Long time no see. I almost didn't recognize you with that scruffy beard of yours eating half your face. How are you? When did you get back in town? How was the battle in Redcliffe?" he fired questions at him and at some point between them he had dropped into the booth next to the Swordsman.

"I'm fine. Last night and it went… _fine_."

Leto's smile faltered at clipped way his friend was speaking. "Is something wrong?"

"It's nothing" he said curtly, looking down eyes closing and swirling the amber liquid of his almost-empty cup of ale.

"No. There most definitely is _something_ on your mind." Leto's frown deepened at his friends' expression (for the first time in all the years of knowing him) unable to read it with the pale boys eyes closed it was impossible for the Tevinter to even snag a hint from those eyes that often displayed the thoughts to him clear as day.

"Will you tell me what's bothering you, Carvy?"

Carver let the tiniest of smiles creep onto the stony expression his face was set in at the use of the nickname. "I want to but I can't tell you everything but i-it's a bit… complicated"

_Understatement of the century,_

"You can tell me anything. And I mean _anything and_ I will still always be here for you. I got your back, you know that right?" he went to put his hand to the raven-haired boy's shoulder who shrugged it away before it could land.

The elf's hand hovered awkwardly, confused and hurt his offer of comfort was dodged like that before he let it drop into his lap.

Well he wasn't going to get anything out of the blue-eyed Hawke without a little help from their good friend alcohol to loosen his tongue a bit. Leto got Danal's attention with a bird-call, made a drinking gesture with his hand and bent his thumb across his palm to make '4'. The bartender nodded at their 'code' and filled 4 large pouring jugs with ale and got one of the bar-maids Susan to help carry them over.

Carver raised an eye brow at the jugs that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Had the elf left and returned without making a sound…. Twice? "Welcome home drinks of course, I got Danal to bring them over" the elf smiled.

_How does he always do that? It's like he can read my mind sometimes… Maker help me if he can…_ he swallowed, looking at the mousse head hanging across the room not remembering it ever being there before, maybe it's always been there he just never looked in that direction or was too drunk to notice or care for the mounted animal head.

They had emptied the first and second jug and it was still awkward to say the least. Leto tried to make conversation but Carvers clipped responses made each topic come to an end as quickly as it started. The way the Swordsman refused to look directly at him was… strange. For as long as he could remember those azure eyes had always been on him, weather watching from a far or holding their gaze for as long as possible when either spoke.

Two weeks ago he had been called to his first battle against the army of Orlais with King Cailan's army at Redcliffe. The first time you kill another human can be tough, it will haunt you even if it is done out of self-defence or army orders. _Maybe this was the reason…_

"Did you…. kill anyone?" he asked in a low almost-whisper, he felt that talking of such things in a public place like this was like breaking an unwritten rule of some kind.

"I was on the front line of course I did!" Carver scoffed, "Do you think the enemy dropped dead on their own? Grace made short work of their badly crafted armour, she was soaked to the hilt in Orlesian blood" He brought the mug to his lips and murmured darkly to himself "I wish I could add _those_ jerks and that slippery escaped circle mage's blood from the tavern to it"

Leto's perceptive hearing heard the defensive and grief under the aloof tone of his voice and bloodlust in that second comment. "It's okay to be upset about –"

"I'm not _upset_" Of course Carver would deny it. It was his job as a soldier to kill. He'd been fighting against the darkspawn for months but now he'd spilled human blood it was obvious to the elf it had affected him. "Alright, alright don't look at me like that! … I feel sick to my stomach for taking them away from their families but there's nothing I can do to bring them back"

_The first few days being on that battlefield, bodies of warriors and rouges dropping at his feet and being covered in blood it didn't bother him as much but when they got to the archers, their blades sliding into the flesh of female and elf with little resistance it felt… wrong. _

_It cut him deeper than he'd ever admit._

_Those big green elven eyes of the last archer pleading at him to spare his life, he couldn't help but be reminded of Leto as he as drove Grace into the Orlesian elf. Around him the men and women of King Cailan's army cheered, a couple clapping him on the back in victory while he dropped to his knees in the muddy blood-soaked ground silently mourning the elves he'd slain._

"Good to know it's not girl trouble" the elf said in attempt to lighten the mood after the heavy silence between them felt like it was stretching too far.

Those sapphire eyes practically barked 'as if!' and the look on the younger boys face was almost smug as he said "Oh please, I'm far too good-looking I'm out of the league of the tramps here" he squared out his shoulders and puffed out his chest slightly for added effect of fake arrogance.

"You know," Leto said slowly "I've seen the bar-maid Susan Rivers checking you out quite a bit tonight. She can't keep her eyes off you, she almost spilled that guys drink over him because she was lost in all that muscle and scruffy facial hair. No wonder she is drooling over you" He playfully shoved at his friends shoulders "I should introduce you, come on. Some drunken snogging might be just what you need to lift your spirits"

_My sister has been a bad influence on you…_

It took quite a bit of self-control not scream 'Maker no! Are you off your rocker elf' he needed to keep up his wall up around his secret. "I'm not interested. She's not my… _type._" He looked over to the girl in the short skirt and extremely low cut shirt and his mind created an image of her slobbering like a dog with rabies. "Just knowing she is… _drooling_ over me is giving me the creeps" He shuddered.

"There's something else… why can't you just tell me what's on your mind?" he sighed, re-filling his drink. "It was hard for me to talk with you at first but you are my best mate and I feel 110% comfortable talking to you about anything and everything without flinching now. Trust me, getting it off your chest _will_ help"

Leto got Danal's attention again and signalled to bring over some vodka as well as a couple more jugs of ale to replace the ones they had emptied already.

"I am no good at talking about this kind of… _stuff_." He ran a hand through his sweaty raven hair and snatched up the bottle of clear liquid before it could touch the table top, poured himself a glass and drowned it in a single gulp making a face at the burn.

Refill. Repeat. Refill. Repeat. Refill. Repeat. Refill. Repeat. For a moment Leto was convinced the blue-eyed boy would consume the whole bottle before telling him anything

"There's a lot on my mind" Refill. Repeat. "Alright I'll tell you _some_ of it" Tiring of this method he brought the bottle to his lips and took few copious gulps of it "In time maybe I will grow the balls to tell you the main thing…. If I'm lucky I will make it out of _that_ conversation alive"

The elf's gut twisted slightly, _he thinks I would kill him if he ever told me his secret? _He frowned and nodded so signal other boy to continue speaking. He took another gulp of the clear liquid and set it down, sighed and folded his hands together to stop himself going for it again so he could start talking.

"OK I know I said I'd try not to be such a jealous git about your…. relationship with my sister. But she always gets everything before me, I can't help it. I tire of always being in her shadow. For once in my life I want to get something before she does. To not always be the last or the odd one out, the youngest Hawke, the only warrior, the last boy and the only Hawke that has never even been _kissed_ for Maker's sake!"

"Well I did offer –" Leto started, holding his arm out to motion that the bar-maid trying to hold down his smirk.

…_This is what he's so upset about?! Wielder of giant swords, self-assured and confident, smart-arse giant spider slayer and Orlesian killer Carver upset because he's never been kissed. How…. Sweet._

"Lee!" Carver thumped his bicep, scowling "Come on man you want me to open up to you or not?" his voice held an unnecessary venom to it as he crossed his arms over his bulking chest.

"I'm sorry" he apologized, putting an arm around the younger boys shoulders and pulling him into a side-on hug "I did not mean any harm by that comment. I just wanted to try and make my Carvy smile." He said resisting the urge to mock him further by pinching the pale Swordsman's cheek with his free hand

'_my Carvy'_ Carver tried to control his smile from stretching across his face ear-to-ear. What a pansy he was becoming to be so happy to hear those two words put together in that low Tevinter accent slightly slurred by the ale the elf had consumed "You're forgiven, only because you _did _manage to make me smile."

He craned his neck to look up at the elf, eyes easily finding the scar he'd left on the underside of the elf's chin that looked like pointed 'c' back when they had been training with large daggers instead of great-swords "But as much as I hate being the last I want the first kiss to be special, y'know, with someone you care a lot about" their eyes locked briefly "It should be all butterflies and awkwardness in a peaceful place like… an open field under the stars. Not with some random person in a bar your best mate is a part-owner of"

"I see you've put quite a bit of thought into it." Leto said, a slight chuckle rumbling in his chest earning him a scowl from the younger male "I hope that it comes true for you my friend, sounds like something out of a fairy-tale"

"Anyway, my original point…. Hawke is my sister and you are mi- my best mate" he swallowed, he almost said 'mine' "It feels too weird to watch you two together. It's cute and all to the point I want to hurl. I hate that she treats you like you are made of glass instead of the thickest dragon hide or that she forces you to spend time with her and drags you around like a dog on a chain. What about me? You don't spend that much time with me anymore when I'm in town. I… I miss your company"

Leto struggled to catch the words that flew out of Carver mouth "You… you think I'm made of dragon hide?"

"Really Leto" a brow shot up, "that's what you got out of all that? Of course I think that. You've been through The Void and back and yet you remain the strongest and bravest man I've ever met"

"You played a big part in that you know. Without your support and our constant sparring matches I would probably still be that jittery shy elf that flinches at his own shadow or I'd be dead at the bottom of a lake" Leto admitted

"The Maker will not take you from me that easy" Carver promised, "He'll have to pry you from my cold dead hands"

"To friendship that will challenge the Maker himself!" Leto declared, holding his mug out to the soldier

"To friendship that will challenge the Maker himself" he repeated snatching up his mug and clinking it against the elf's


	13. 13 - (Unwanted)Twin Connection

- _BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 13 - (Unwanted) Twin Connection**

"Bitch" an insult he had wanted to aim at her for the longest time and he finally had the chance to.

He growled feeling the sting of Hawke's staff slapping across his back.

"You know," said Hawke slowly, ducking another swing from her powerhouse of a brother "I liked you better when you were younger and _unable to talk_."

"That's funny. I liked you better when you weren't an overconfident scoundrel with a pathetic excuse for a sense of humour." Carver shot back "Oh,_ wait!"_

The blade of his sword met the sturdy Ironbark of Hawke's staff, who lifted it to parry her brother's blow. He let out a frustrated huff and came at her again from the side. He hadn't expected Leto to have trained up her so well in the short time he was away fighting at Ostagar.

It was a win-win situation Hawke had decided. She got to spend more time with her boyfriend (that wasn't full of awkward silences or pitiful attempts at conversation) while he taught her how to defend herself. And when/if she landed a hit on him, it would help her perfect her healing spells.

The elf was surprised when Hawkes blade started to nick his flesh.

_"I'm so sorry, Leto" she cried, dropping her staff on the grass and grabbing the elf's hand she'd sliced open through the worn leather of his gloves. "I thought you were going to block that sneaky move."_

_If he was honest a bit of his pride deflated slightly. He hadn't even seen the move incoming; the mage had flicked her wrists so fast. He didn't even have a chance to feel the sting of the wound before her hands had clasped around it. He had blinked in surprise._

_ "You shouldn't apologize to the enemy every time you land an attack on him" he said smoothly covering his surprise with a scowl._

_"You are no enemy" she laughed lightly, her fingertips starting to glow a fuzzy green with healing magic. "You are an amazing boyfriend helping me like this. I didn't think I could ever strike you with how fast __**your **__reflexes are"_

_"Lucky shot" he grumbled. "Though do you learn rather quickly for a mage" His scowl faltered as Hawkes lip slipped through the hole in his glove, placing a kiss over the wound. The Lyrium on the other side hummed to the effects of Hawks soft magic. _

_It was so strange to feel only a small discomfort, instead of the pain usually brought on by magic he couldn't stop himself sighing. _

_"Well, I do have __**the**__ best elven warrior as my teacher" Hawke beamed at him, the elf had to bite down the urge to smile sheepishly at the compliment she'd just given him. _

_She pulled the split in the leather glove open enough to inspect where the wound had been minutes ago the tanned skin showing a thin white scar as the signs of the dagger ever being dug into it. She grinned, "I'm getting the rather good at this, huh?" _

_Carver appeared behind them, arms crossed over his chest "For a staff twirling noodle you do alright…"_

He refused to be bested at this by his _sister_.

"Come on Carver! I know your hungover but pick up your game man!" Leto barked sounding and looking the part of an army commander, pacing the outside of the battle circle they'd drawn in the dirt "While in this arena she is no longer your sister. She is the enemy. Treat her like one. Control your swings, don't let your inferiority complex cloud your mind. I want Grace to have a nice bloody sheen after this"

"What?!" The mage yelped, staring wide-eyed at the elf

"My game, my rules." The elf said simply, tilting the blade of Mercy so it caught the sun and momentarily blinded the mage long enough for Carver to land a hit to her calf.

"I am your girlfriend! You can't order him to – Ouch! You little shit!"

"All's fair in love and war" he smirked almost wickedly at his own play on words.

"This is totally barbaric!" Bethany screeched from somewhere behind the elf "Why do you think it's such a good idea to give the angry soldier a sharp sparking blade, provoke him and put him into a ring with my sister?"

"It's refreshing not to be on the receiving end of the angry soldier with the sharp sparking blade?" he said offhandedly, stoking the flat length of Mercy. She didn't really expect him to say he oddly found an endless amusement in the two Hawkes competing against each other for a chance to spar with him.

Both in and out of the ring.

The differences in the way they advanced on the elf were as different as their class. The Mage dominate and borderline obsessive with her touches and that fire back in her whisky-gold eyes where the Warrior was subtle with his secretive touches and the way his longing lingered in those depths of blue was enough to drive someone insane.

He almost caved in to that nagging urge to kiss the younger Hawke when he saw that look on his face but he wanted Carver to man up and just admit it already so those pestering day-dreams would….

He wasn't sure where that thought would have ended up if Bethany's voice wasn't ringing in his ears

"Call them off" the female twin demanded sounding eerily like her mother with that tone "Now! Before one of them loses an arm"

"Hawke asked me to train her in battle and that's what I'm doing. Carver is just as skilled with a blade as I and has the temperament to match a possible enemy. Lothering will be the first to fall if the boys at Ostagar can't hold the tide of darkspawn back and you will have more of a chance at getting out alive if the mage knows how to fight in close combat"

The truth no one wanted to hear. The threat of the darkspawn was real. It was just a matter of time before the hoard grew too large for the Wardens or King Cailan's army to hold back.

"But she is a mage we have control over the elements we can-"

"You won't have the time to mutter half your silly fire enchantment before the darkspawn tear you to shreds, little mage" he huffed crossing his arms over his chest and turning his eyes back to the sparring pair.

Shaking his head at the scene before him the eldest had pinned her brothers' arms down to his sides by a crushing prism, held the centre of her staff under his throat and pulling at the hair from the back of Carver's skull. "Hair pulling is not a move to waste your time on, Hawke." He scolded "Darkspawn do not have hair and your brother probably wants what little hair he has to remain attached to his head"

"Fine." She sighed calling off the spell and lowering her staff.

Carver staggered forward a step "You cheated! I would have won that round if you weren't trying to show off to your _boyfriend_" he glared at her, the word tasted foul on his tongue. He made a frustrated noise and stalked out of the circle roughly bumping into Leto's shoulder as he past.

Bethany caught the expression on the Tevinter's face as he looked over his shoulder at the Swordsman's retreating form. And the look Carver did over his a few paces later once the elf had turned back to face Hawke and start their match.

Bethany caught all the looks, smiles and touches that had passed between the two boys for years. She always thought they were because they had such a strong bond, they were the best of friends, the two practically attached at the hip. You hardly ever saw one without the other being close by.

But now she was almost positive there was something deeper between them. Over the recent months she's noticed the hardened look on her twins face. The way he watched Leto like he was expecting him to be attacked or disappear at any second. The way his eyes darkened with something she didn't think she would ever see directed at his best friend: Longing. She would never have thought her twin would be the type to go after another male but there was the proof written so clearly on his face.

_Maker, he had it bad._

Bethany was sure the strong aura of longing Carver was carrying around was starting to rub off on the elf and he seemed to be slowly starting to fall for her twin. Or maybe he was just trying to cheer up the other boy by offering small touches to the shoulder or arm. She thought she would be disturbed by the silent 'romance' going on between them but she found it odd but unbelievably _cute_.

Carver leaned Grace up against the side of a nearby tree and sat down next to the blade. He pressed his back into the wide trunk and looked up into the branches above. A pair of love birds were preening each other, the darker bird rubbing its cheek on the others bright chest and tweeting happily.

He scowled at them.

Everyone – his twin, his mother, the barkeep, his circle of friends in the army and the Grey Wardens even the birds had their special somebody they could love openly and have the affection returned. And Carver was alone, left out of it all because of an unnatural hold that pesky elf had on his heart.

And they were constantly rubbing their happiness in his face. It wasn't fair. _Was it too much to ask to be loved back?_ He sighed and thumped his head against the wood

"Carver?" Bethany's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts as she sat down next to her twin. "Can I ask you something?"

_Probably fishing for gift ideas for that Templar boy toy of hers…_ He shrugged "Uh, sure, what's on your mind?"

"And I want you to answer this honestly." he nodded his agreement slowly, he was already regretting it when she hesitated, bitting her lip before she spoke "Is there… _something_ going on between you and Leto?"

That took him by completely by surprise. "What?" Had he been that obvious? No, he was always subtle with his ways of showing the elf he cared about him without seeming like he wanted anything more than friendship. He tried to make his voice sound defensive and repulsed at the idea of it but it came out echoing his hurt and defeat as he hung his head. "..No"

"But you want there to be." A statement, not a question.

_I missed my chance now I have to live with it. _

He cast his eyes to the couple in the ring. Leto moved almost gracefully around the ring parrying every attack from the staff. Hawke glided around him and jumped onto his back to land a surprise kiss to the elf's cheek.

_That should be us…_

"I'll take that silence as a 'yes'. I am your twin, Carver, and a mage with empathy I can feel the pain and the guilt you are feeling here" she put her hand to the left side of his chest "I see a sadness in your eyes even though you try to hide it. At first I couldn't figure out why, I thought it was because of what you would have seen or done on the battle-field. But… I've been watching you ever since you pulled Leto from the lake and the way you act around him it's clear _he_ is the reason for it. I didn't think you of all people would– "

"Look, you think I asked for _this?_!" he snapped, "Well I didn't." a few bricks of the wall around his heart falling away, the honesty of his words making his voice crack "I - I _can't. _For so_ many _reasons…. I want all these _feelings _to _go away_. For things to be like they were before. I don't want to be –" he made a face, running a hand through his hair "…different."

"Oh Carver" She wrapped an arm around his broad shoulders and pulled him close. "We cannot chose who we fall for. Whether you like it or not your heart wants_ him_. I see it so clearly in your eyes, I don't know how I missed it before but it might as well be tattooed on your forehead you… _love_ him don't you?"

He made a growl-like noise, clenched his jaw as if it would hold down the blush that was threatening to creep onto his cheeks. He pulled himself roughly away from the embrace and looked away at a random spot off in the distance.

Curse his twin and that connection between them that allowed her to poke around in his secrets.

"I do not mean to pry into your personal life like that. I'm sorry. I want you to know I will always be here for you no matter what and if you ever wish to talk about anything you have my ear 24/7."

He turned to her furrowing his eyebrows and asking softly, "You don't… hate me?"

"Maker, no! Why would I? You're my twin brother you have my love and support no matter how you chose to live your life or who you chose to live it with. I just want you to be happy, Carv, you deserve it more than anyone I know."

"You can't tell this to _anyone_, Beth, not even mother and especially **_not_** Hawke. She will burn me at the stake or skin me alive herself if she ever found out."

"I promise your secret is safe with me" she wrapped her little finger around one of his and squeezed it, sealing the promise. "Have you told him how you feel?"

"What? No! _Are you_ _crazy_?! What do you want me to do? walk up to him and be like 'hey Leto, I have a confession I've secretly been in love with you for the last 3 years'" he snorted "Yeah… that's _not exactly_ something you bring up casually in conversation to someone who carries around a sword as _big as what I am_."

Elven ears twitched at the mention of his name. A smile spreading over his face as the rest of the words reached him.

Curse his wired emotions and his mouth running off on its own like that. _Leto probably heard all of that…I am a dead man._ He thumped his head hard against the tree truck

"Three years…?" she repeated in awe, Carver had done an amazing job keeping this under her radar and keeping it out of The Fade when they shared the dream world for so long. She smiled in mysteriously-knowing way at him. "I don't think it would go as badly as you think, brother"

He rolled his head to look at her. _Did he tell her something? No, he wouldn't talk. He's just as stubborn as I am. Can she poke around in other people's secrets? Does he….? _

"As scary as it may be you need to tell him, you need to know where you stand. Just trust your twin on this. You never know, he may just have a _thing_ for you too." She smiled.

He cast he an 'as if' expression.

A shadow stepped in front of him blocking out the afternoon sun. It was probably Hawke coming over to tease him about losing or his face being so red. He was about to tell her to 'fuck off' in the politest way possible. His words swiftly died in his throat when he turned his head and came almost literally face-to-face with Leto.

The Swordsman made the most unmanly squeak of surprise.

"Not talking about me are you?"

"I – I… uhh… no" he stammered, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "W-why would we be talking about y-you"

The Tevinter elf put a hand on the trunk above Carver's right shoulder for balance as he leaned towards the younger boys' ear. "You look so cute when you blush, Carvy" he whispered, smirking, lips ghosting against the flesh as he spoke

"Meet me back here at twilight. I want to show you something" Leto said. Carver was almost sure he caught the elf discreetly wink at him before he stood to his full height and ruffled his dark hair. _No, trick of the light he was just blinking with one eye….?_

"Uhh okay. I – I guess I'll see you… later then?"

He thumped his head against the tree trunk again at how awkward he sounded.

"Looks like somebody just got a daaate" Bethany said in a sing-song voice, pushing at her twins shoulders playfully.

"What? No." he shook his head "No, no. no it's defiantly _not_. He probably just… wants to show off his latest complex way of disarming an enemy or something" He said, shoving his twin back "As far as I know 'dates' do not include being introduced to your insides by the business end of The Blade of Mercy"

"Oh, stop being such a drama-queen brother" she kissed his cheek. "Maybe he does just want to show you a new trick, maybe he doesn't…. But do you really think he would kill you for being honest?"

"_I_ would kill me if I was him"


	14. 14 - With Your Heart in My Hands

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 14 - With Your Heart in My Hands **

"Carver? What in the Void are you _doing_ in there?" She yelled through the bathroom door doing over-the-top hand gestures that couldn't be seen by the blue-eyed Hawke on the other side "Some of us need to pee before our bladder's self-combust!"

"Just go outside!" He shot back "Plenty of bushes to hide behind"

"I'm a girl you idiot! I can't just… _go_ outside. Come on. Open the damn door!" she banged her fists against the wood, bouncing from foot to foot. "If you don't come out by the time I count to 3. I'm blasting the door down with a fire-ball. One….. Two…."

The door flew open before she could get to three. Carver stood in the doorway in his favourite sleeveless beige tunic with the collar popped up, brown leather pants and long black leather boots with his fringe slicked into a slanted spike still fumbling with the buckles of his dark yellow-brown wool and leather pauldrons.

"Alright, _who_ are you and what have you done with my brother?" Hawke asks, peeking around her brothers' biceps and into the bathroom eyeing the small space with suspicion.

Confused he says, "The last time I looked, which was only a couple of minutes ago… I look the same as always"

"No. This guy kinda does looks like you but is more handsome and clean man and Carver is just a scruffy little boy that is always covered in dirt and blood"

"I'm not a little boy anymore, Hawke" He said, doing up the last buckle on his vambrace and chuckling lightly, "Only you could offer a complement and then insult me in the same sentence"

"So why are you dressed like that then? Going out drinking with the boys? Sneaking out to meet a _girl_... is that something this _new _Carver would do?"

The youngest Hawke was too busy trying to think up a plausible reason why or where he was going he hadn't noticed her step closer so they were standing almost chest to chest.

"Well, as much as I would love to hang around and give you the birds and the bee's talk….." she trailed off and danced around him. "I really need to pee, so we'll talk about it another time. Goodbye. Good luck. Remember to use protection little brother" she said grinning like a madwoman at him before she slammed the door in his face

For a long moment he stood gaping at the closed door mortified at the words that had just came out of his older sister. "Maker I hope he _does_ kills me so I don't have to_ ever_ hear _that_…" He mumbled to himself once he pulled his jaw off the floor.

He found Bethany in the living room in front of the fire with a book in her hands. She looked up over the pages when he cleared his throat. "Do I really look that different, Beth?" he asks with a lesser amount of bite his voice usually carried.

"Apart from the new hair style and the being squeaky-clean you look just like you always do" she smiled up at him "I'm sure the special _someone_ will be impressed with your effort" not daring to say the elf's name because her sister could hear them talking through the thin walls.

"If this turns out not to be what you keep insisting it is and I make a fool out of myself…. I am never speaking to you again. And if I'm right and I… don't return I want to say I love you and thank you for being so understanding of this… _situation_" He planted a kiss to her cheek and headed towards the front door, he paused in the doorway, turning to her once more. "Not a word."

She put her right hand over the left side of her chest "Twins honour" she said and made a gesture with her other hand like she was zipping her mouth closed and tossing the key over her shoulder into the fire-place.

* * *

He hovered in the entrance to the clearing watching Leto have a fist-fight with an invisible enemy while he ran through that speech he'd spent the last few hours trying to perfect one more time. He only hoped the elf followed the script he'd wrote in his mind.

A twig snapped under his boot when he shifted his footing.

In one fluid movement Leto pulled Mercy from his back and pointed it in the direction of the noise.

Carver held up his hands, stepping out into the clearing so the moonlight could reveal his face to the elf "Relax, it's just me"

"Sorry" he lowered Mercy "You startled me. You're early. I wasn't expecting you for another hour or so"

He shrugged, "You know me; I have no patience when it comes to swordplay"

"Who said this meeting had anything to do with swordplay? he questioned keeping his features blank as possible. "I could have asked you out here to watch me turn into a werewolf, howl at the moon and make you run for your life"

Carver wasn't fooled.

The mischievous glint in his eyes and the slight pull of his cheeks told him Leto was joking with him. "Nice try, elf"

"Well, since you here early you get to help me warm up for the thing I wanted to show you" he changed his stance suddenly and swung his blade at the youngest Hawke.

Carver bounced back arching his body away narrowly missing the tip of Mercy as it passed his stomach. "What in the Void was that for!?"

"Just keeping you on your toes." He said simply and swung again this time aiming for the shins, Carver jumped over the blade. The elf paused long enough for the younger male to pull Grace from his back before he swung his great-sword again "You _did_ say you wanted swordplay"

The two blades collided with a screech of metal and a grunt.

No more words were passed between them while Grace and Mercy smashed and grinded against each other in the most aggressive sparring session they'd ever had.

Leto kept coming at him from all different directions and with each swing he seemed to be throwing more force into it. The elf didn't appear to be tiring even after close to an hour of this constant assault but Carver was starting to struggle parrying the blows his arms and legs aching from taking on the aftershocks of Leto's aggressive attacks.

His lungs were on fire, his throat felt raw from all the air he was trying to force down it.

"Alright, that should do it" the elf decided suddenly driving his blade into the dirt and catching Grace mid-swing in his gauntleted hand "Sit"

"I'm not a dog!" Carver barked breathlessly, trying to tug his great-sword from the Tevinters iron grasp

"You need to be still for this. This trick could kill you if you move." He said a somewhat dark rumble in his voice "Just _sit down_." Carver didn't really have a choice when Leto let go of the blade he fell unceremoniously onto his backside. He looked up at the elf with a beyond confused expression.

Leto knelt at his right side, grabbing Carver by the chin and forced their eyes to lock "Do you trust me?"

"You're acting really…" he tried to find his words under the elf's fire-y gaze. He swallowed nervously but didn't break the eye contact "…_strange_. Are you feeling okay?"

"I am perfectly fine. I just –" he sighed, "please answer the question. Do you_ trust me_, Carvy?"

"Yes" He answered honestly without hesitating "I trust you Leto 150%"

"Good" The Tevinter smiled "I need you to listen to me _very_ closely for this to work. Whatever you do, do _not_ freak out. I _need_ you to stay _completely_ still. Do you understand?"

"…Yes"

The elf undid the buckles of his left gauntlet and blue eyes followed the hunk of metal clatter across the grass. He felt the other hand snake around his back and come to rest against his shoulder blade_. What in the name of The Maker is he up to?_

Leto rested his un-gauntleted hand that was glowing a bright blue over the pauldron covering the left side of the raven-haired boy's chest. "Are you ready?" he asked "I'm not going to hurt you, I promise. This will just feel…. _weird_"

"Uh, sure…" He couldn't hold back the waver in his voice. He was nervous, he had no idea what the elf was going to do to him but he still trusted the Tevinter enough to let him do whatever he wished.

A moment later he felt something warm touch and move along his collar bone. Carve furrowed his eyebrows and looked down. Leto's pointer finger was touching him _through_ his pauldron….? "W-what the…?"

Carver looked up when Leto didn't say anything back his were eyes closed a look of intense concentration on his face.

One by one he could feel the elf's fingertips slip through and touch his clammy skin and soon the entire expanse of his palm was covering the Swordsman's left pectoral. His mind wondered off to a day dream he had earlier of the elf's hands on his chest as he kissed him… Was Leto about to do that? His heartbeat quickened.

He tried focus on his breathing as the fingers crept across his skin like they were searching for something.

They found it.

Carver gasped when he felt the fingers penetrate his flesh. He stared wide-eyed at Leto's hand disappearing inside him. He expected to feel pain but he felt none of it just an odd tingling warmth that was slightly uncomfortable as it melted through his bones as easy as though they were passing through air.

Leto could feel Carver's wildly thumping heart every time the organ expanded, lightly bumping against his fingertips. '_Mine'_ the voice him head claimed, fingers inching closer so he was all but holding the organ in his hand.

He knew in this moment the elf could easily crush his core without any effort.

His body was torn between acting on instinct to flee this intrusion and heading the elf's words and staying as still as possible.

"Leto…." Carver gasped breathlessly.

When Leto heard the almost-frightened plea in the other boys' voice he slowly backed his hand out being extremely careful not to knock anything. Once his hand was out of Carver he made a face at the blood-soaked digits and then turned his gaze on the teenager who was 50 shades paler than he usually was.

A heavy silence hung over them.

Green orbs watched Carver franticly undo his pauldron and his hands fly under the fabric of his tunic checking the flesh for a gaping hole he was sure_ should_ be there but… wasn't.

The weird sensation of Leto's hand lingered and Carver was unsure if he wanted to throw up, cheer, pass out, break Leto's nose, hug or even go all-out and kiss him.

Feeling too many things at once a headache started to pound on his skull.

Leto stood and offered his gauntleted hand and the blue-eyed Hawke eyed it suspiciously for the longest time before he took it and let the elf help him to his feet.

_Well, this was definitely not how I expected my night to go.._

Leto opened his arms for a hug.

Noticing his blood dripping from the hand that held his heart only a moment ago the shorter male moved back slightly eyeing the elf with caution.

Leto stepped closer again and wrapped his arms around Carver, planting a barely-there kiss to the raven locks on the top of the teen's skull, a move he hoped silently came across as - _I'm sorry. I care about you, too._

* * *

Bethany waited up all night for her twin to return. She was just about to go out and look for him when the front door slammed open and he stepped in.

She noted he was caring his pauldron instead of wearing it, a bruise stretching out from under his collar and his hair tousled and sweaty. She thought for a second he must have actually told the elf and in a whirl of passion they'd shagged out all the bottled up feelings in the forest…. But the way he walked in, dragging his feet, his shoulders slumped, head hung and scowl etched deep onto his face she knew that wasn't the case.

"So how did it go?" Bethany asked enthusiastically, bouncing up to him.

"Fine" he said curtly, shouldering past her.

She frowned at his back, asking softly "What happened, Carv?"

He spun around to face her, anger flaring up in his eyes "The crazy bastard tried to _kill_ me! Look at this" he yanked his tunic up showing his black and blue torso briefly before letting the fabric fall back down.

Bethany gasped putting her hands over her mouth. "Oh my gosh…. Is it painful? Carver you need to get that treated. When Hawke wakes up – "

"No! Are you stupid? I can't explain to _her_ what happened." he cut her off "I shouldn't have even told _you. _Maybe I wouldn't have nearly had my heart ripped out of my chest tonight_"_

"Carver, I'm sorry. I honestly didn't think he would react like that…" She apologized to him "Wait… What?"

"I didn't even get the chance to say _anything_ I planned to say before he started attacking me. I was right he wanted to show me a new trick…" he made a face, and put his hand against his chest. "He can put his hands through flesh and bone. He literally just held my heart in his hand"

"Oh how romantic" she gushed, grinning stupidly at him "Don't you see? He can't admit it to you because you're his best friend, one that comes across as this completely _straight _warrior and he's also dating your sister, he's not so great with his words so that's his way of saying 'I love you too'"

_You can't seriously believe __**that?!**_ Carver scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

He dragged himself into the bedroom and laid on his bed trying to get some shut eye but sleep just wouldn't come to him.

He was exhausted after being awake all night, his muscles ached after that intense aggressive sparring session with Leto but his heart wouldn't settle nor would his mind.

There was only one way that came to mind that always helped to put him to sleep but that meant more thoughts of Leto and his hand in a place it shouldn't be while his older sister was asleep less than a meter away from him.

Sure she could sleep through an explosion but those tiny unavoidable breathy-noises would wake for sure.

He groaned, frustrated he wasn't going to get any sleep, he pushed himself up onto his left elbow and looked down at his bare torso the skin over his chest and collar bones looked as if it had been scorched, there were long purple-black bruises scattered all over his sides and abdomen where the flat side of the Tevinters' blade stuck him.

He ran his fingers over, poking at the blackened skin expecting to feel that jab of pain that normally comes with prodding at a bruise but his mind just kept sending him that warm weird feeling of the elf's hand moving through the muscle and the feather-light touch on the organ.

He wanted to believe his twin's crazy theory but his brain struggled with the logic behind it – it was too simple but to far-fetched at the same time.

He shivered. _Damn that elf has really found another way to get under my skin… litrally_

"Your hand better not be where I think it is" Hawkes sleep-riddled voice drawled out from behind him.

He was sure it wasn't. He glanced at the arm draped lazily over his stomach and hip partially hidden by the thin blanket. He looked over at her with a brow raised. "Are you going blind in your old age sister?"

"I am not _old_!" she gasped, conjuring and flicking a small ice burg at the back of her brothers' head "Big night farm boy? Did you just get in? So tell me about all the beautiful girls you – _Whoa_! What happened to you? Run into an Ogre on your way home?"

"I don't know" he said slowly, feigning a hang-over and running across his eyes with his thumb and forefinger with a light groan. "It looked more like a really tall angry elf to me but I was pretty drunk and it was dark it could have been anything" he hoped he sounded convincing enough.

"Good to know you can whop dark-spawn ass even when drunk, brother. I'm sure the ladies were impressed"

He cringed, _if anyone had seen that fight they'd be more impressed with Leto than myself…_

He shivered as the melting ice dripped from his hair onto the back of his neck. He forced a cocky smirk, "You know it." Out of the corner of his eye he could the green glow of healing magic start to fog over her hands he sprung to his feet "Don't even _think _about healing me." He said backing out of their room "I can deal with this _without_ you"

"Suit yourself." She shrugged, yawning and flopping back onto her bed. "I was just trying to help"


	15. 15 - My Star

_BioWare own everything! I'm just playing in their dragon and darkspawn-filled sandbox._

**Chapter 15 - My Star**

Anger is an emotion he understands, it's something he clings to most days and in battle he's taught himself how to turn it into a Berserker rage and urge himself forward to victory.

Sleep-deprived, confused and at breaking point with those pesky mixed feeling he has for the elf right now and annoyed at the ideas his twin was coming up with about it all, his anger level was higher than usual.

A fist collided with the elf's jaw when they crossed paths again out in the paddock. "Okay… I guess I deserved that" he said slowly rubbing the point of impact.

"You're damn right you do." Carver barked the first words he'd said to Leto since the hand-through-thr-chest trick. "I have not had a wink of sleep in the last 2 days because of you!"

Leto opened his mouth to speak but the raven-haired boy cut him off. "No. Just listen to me for a second. I thought we were friends, Leto. You are _important_ to me. I care for you like a brother. I've risked my life to save your stupid elven hide more times than I care to count." He took a breath "But then you go and do that angry-glowing-hand thing and attempt to rip my heart out?! Why would you do that? _Why_? What kind of a person _does that_?"

The only downfall to this emotion is that it loosens the link between his brain and his mouth and often the truth or secrets are spilled before he has a chance to stop it.

Bethany had told Leto once about flowers having different meanings and that the blue iris meant 'your friendship means a lot to me'. He wasn't sure where the memory came from, why he remembered that said flowers he'd seen growing a short walk away from where they were standing or why his brain had decided he _needed_ to give one to Carver.

He walked over to them, ignoring Carver following him barking something along the lines of 'not to walk away from him, he wasn't finished yet' Leto leaned down and plucked a single blue iris from the tall grass and presented it to the Swordsman.

"What's that, your new weapon of choice?" Carver said impassively with a brow raised and arms crossed over his chest.

"I apologize, Carvy. I did not mean for you to freak you out like this…." The elf looked at him with his ears lowered and a you-just-kicked-my-puppy expression "Bethany said-"

"You talked to Beth? _What for_? to get permission to _dispose_ of the brother who isn't a mage by crushing the thing that keeps me alive and tossing it to the wolves?"

"...What? No. _Never_. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you" he pushed the flower towards the younger male again "I was going to say Bethany told me once a while back about the meaning behind some flowers. This one says your friendship means a _lot_ to me"

_Was that a touch of blush I can see on his ears and cheeks….?_

Carver's anger seemed to melt away, a smile replacing the scowl as elf manhandled the blue flower into his hand and look down to him coyly with his ears lowered even further, like a sad puppy begging for forgiveness.

_Awwh. That look is so… adorable_

The Tevinter didn't have a chance to prepare himself as Carver suddenly tackled him with a forceful hug. The two boys collapsed onto the grass, tumbling over each other twice before Leto rolled away from the embrace and onto his back.

"Leto?" The elf hummed to show he had heard his name then turned his attention on the speaker instead of the clouds. Carver's chest heaved and he opened his mouth and closed it again as if trying to will himself to speak the words he was planning to say nights ago.

He sighed heavily, finally seeming to catch the words he wanted. He bit his lip, a nervous tic "Forgive me if I'm about to be punched in the face and destroy our friendship that we just patched up but…"

The elf propped himself up onto his elbow and looked at the raven-haired human lying next to him with a bushy dark eyebrow raised in silent question.

He had a feeling of what was going to come next, even if he hadn't already figured it out and had it confirmed by the other twin.

Their friendship could not easily be tossed aside after all they had been through. Carver had saved him from slavers, helped him take down The Spider Queen, saved him from drowning. He had always been there for him to talk, joke, play cards, run, go fishing and spar with. He had listened to and comforted him when told him of how his scars react to magic and emotions, confessed of what had happened to him as a slave and his nightmares, and he kept everything he had ever told him a secret.

He could not imagine that a simple kiss from Carver would spoil their years of friendship.

"My loyalty is not shaken so easily" he said honestly locking his eyes on Carver's as if trying to convince the human not to back down from whatever he was going to do or say.

Carver sucked him a huge lungful of the fresh spring air like it had the power to give him the confidence he needed to go through with this. '_Actions speak louder than words'_ the voice in his head told him.

The lingering adrenalin propelled him forward in a fluid movement. He pushed himself on to his elbow, his body twisting to face his white-haired sparring partner as he closed the distance between them.

He stopped himself a breath away from the Leto's lip, bracing himself inwardly for a punch to the face, a head-butt; he wouldn't put it past the elf to send a knee in to his manhood. But none of these reactions came, he only felt the warm air slowly escaping the other boys' nose so he took this as a sign it was okay to continue.

He tentatively caught the very corner of Leto's bottom lip between his own, _still no punch,_ so he moved slightly towards the centre taking it again once, twice before he felt the elf's head angle slightly to catch his top lip.

He let out a shaky breath, he couldn't believe it, this had to be a dream. He was completely sober and kissing the elf and he was kissing him back!

Confidence came crawling to him, his hand slinking around to burry itself in white locks. They moved against each other for a short time, the elf's nose rubbing against the splatter of stubble as he switched sides. Leto let out a low growl.

Out of the corner of the swordsman's eyes he could see the deep blue light coming off the hand between them. Carver pulled back, turning his face away trying to steel himself against the sudden burning in the corners of his eyes, his voice uncharacteristically small and shaky when he spoke "You're angry. I knew it… I – I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't–"

"Carver…" two long fingers found his chin, pulling his face back to look the rather smug looking Tevinter. "I'm not angry at you. Quite the opposite really…" he said quietly his eyes flickering down the length of his lanky body. Carver's blue orbs followed the line of site to the slight tent built under the leather, cheeks colouring a bright red he grinned sheepishly at the elf.

"I am… surprised. I did not expect that could feel so…." lost for words Leto closed his eyes and let a throaty purr rumble in his throat. He asked eagerly, "Can we do it again?"

Carver only got halfway through his nod before the elf put a hand to his opposite shoulder and knocked him onto his back, swooping down for the capture. He took the polar opposite approach as the human had and moved against the younger male hungrily, building pressure and pushing his tongue into the others mouth receiving a muffled noise of approval from the teen beneath him.

"Carvy stop smiling like that it's interfering with my tongue" the Tevinter elf murmured lowly against the human's lips between kisses.

"M'sorry" he mumbled, breaking their lip-lock and placing a kiss over the bruise starting to blossom on the elf's jaw before joining their mouths again.

Leto wasn't sure which he was apologizing for punching him or the smiling, he couldn't think on it. He was too lost in the musky manly smell of Carver that filled his nose, the lingering taste of the blueberries on his tongue, the feel of the teen's light stubble moving against his chin and the hand gripping at the hair at the back of his neck.

_You have no idea how long I've wanted to do thi_s… Carver groaned fisting the material over the elf's racing heart pulling him closer. "Tell me this is not a dream, Fen"

The Tevinter shivered at the word the Dalish called him by and deepened the kiss while letting his free hand wander over the cloth covered muscles and boldly adventured between the hips. The Ferelden made a squeak-like noise of surprise and squirmed bucking his hips away from the unexpected touch, making the arm holding the elf up collapse inwardly sending their chest to collide with a grunted 'oof' spilling from both of them.

"Whoa… Ok" Carver let out a husky chuckle, the smile almost splitting his face from ear-to-ear. "Defiantly _not_ a dream"

"Shit," The elf whispered urgently "someone's coming." rolling off him and sitting next to the younger man's hip and pulled out the dagger he kept strapped to his boot and pretended to clean it. Carver stared at the back of the elf's head like it held an answer for his head was still lost in the clouds. What was he to do?

Sensing the others eyes on him he looked over his shoulder and suggested "Pretend you are doing push ups?"

"Oh there you are!" Bethany's voice rang out happily as she spotted the two boys.

Upon hearing his twins' voice he rolled onto his stomach and buried his face in the grass trying to hide his wide grin and the blush burning on his face.

"Hawke has been looking for you all afternoon. Something about oh, I don't know… your _anniversary_" Bethany elaborated dramatically as if they had missed the sun falling from the clouds. The elf shot her a puzzled expression and she made a tutting noise at him "Don't tell me you forgot"

"Can it wait? I'm busy _torturing_ him" Leto thrust a thumb over his shoulder at the male twin who was struggling to contain his laughter. Of all the days he decided to take that leap and kiss him… it was on _their_ anniversary…

"I do not think it wise. She is not a very patient woman but perhaps…" she trailed off noticing her twins' shoulders shaking behind the elf. "Is he…. Okay?"

"He's just struggling to get his breath back after.. doing so many push ups" He said with a shrug, hoping the slight pause before his cover-up went unnoticed.

But she did, Bethany rose an eyebrow at him in disbelief.

"Well at least we know he will sleep like a baby tonight" a smug smirk crossed his face as he locked eyes with the light brown of the middle Hawke.

Her mouth fell open when her brain added the words and the look on the elf's face together. "You didn't…." he shook his head and glanced over at the boy beside him who appeared to have dozed off emitting soft snores. "_He_ did? About blighted time to!" she chuckled, smiling at her twin. "The idiot could have picked a different day… Alas, I will tell Hawke you are busy running Chantry errands and will return for the evening."

She turned to walk away but stopped and turned to the elf once more, her eyes hard but the amused smile never leaving her face "Do not make a habit of this. I do not like to lie to family, but your secret is safe with me for as long as you wish me to keep it"

He bowed his head in a silent way of saying 'thank you'

He lay down on his back next to the younger boy with his arms tucked behind his head looking at the sky "If I knew this was going to be the outcome maybe I should have showed you that trick months ago" Leto mused out-loud to himself.

There was a pang of guilt stir inside his gut as the reality of what they did minutes ago fully sunk in.

Maker, he'd just kissed his best (male) friend of almost four years on the one-year anniversary of being in a relationship with the Carver's eldest sister.

He couldn't help but compare them. How Carver_ looked_ like he'd be aggressive with his touches but in fact they were feather-light and gentle where Hawke appeared that she would be delicate when in fact she was a beast demanding and clawing at him for his attention.

He gnawed on his lip and ripped up the grass and weeds around him with his free hand as Carver had rolled over at some point and was using the underside of Leto's bicep as a pillow. The dreamers' breath danced over the base of his neck and side of his chest under the fabric of his loose sleeveless tunic.

The two lay there like this for a couple of hours. By now Leto had built a pyramid with all the grass at his side and place the partially crushed iris on its peak

He let his mind play over the kiss, he had never felt such a.. _spark_ as he did from the gentle movement of Carver's lips when they first moved against his. Carver's words he'd said weeks ago ran through his mind. '_The first kiss should be all butterflies and awkwardness in a peaceful place like… an open field under the stars.'_ He smiled up at the colours of sunset painting the sky. He didn't think it would possible for three out of four of those boxes to be ticked for his friend.

Maybe he would bring him back here when Hawke was done with him and they could pick up where they left off so all the boxes could be ticked. He let out a short amused chuckle, and turned his smile then to the other boys sleeping form. "Well, Carvy, looks like you got your fairy-tale first kiss you always wanted"

Azure eyes blinked open, a sleepy smile plastered on the teenagers face. "How…. How do you know that?"

"You told me once" he answered simply with a shrug.

"Oh? Did I? Well then you would know we were missing the… stars" he said slowly, his brain struggling to wake up and form words. A look crossed his face and the elf knew some sort of silly idea had popped into his companions head. "Well… you hair reminds me of the moonlight and the moon is friends with the stars an' I was under you…." He bit his lip, grinned sheepishly and poked the elf's cheek with a finger, "so I say I ticked _all_ the boxes. If the Maker strikes me down for that at least I die happy"

"…Are you calling me _a star_?" he asked raising his brow at the other.

"_My_ star" he corrected.

Leto faked a gaging noise and then broke into laughter.

Carver frowned and thumped the elf on chest, "What's so funny?"

"You" he replied smiling at the other boy and shaking head "I never thought you would ever say something so…." He couldn't find a word that described it "What do you even call _that_?"

He pinched the stubble on his chin between his thumb and forefinger and thought for a moment "A sleepy man's ramblings…?"

"Oh no, you my friend are what that Warden friend of yours would call a 'closet romantic'."

Carver fidgeted with his fingers nervously, looking at the pile of ripped up grass beside them. "So…. You are, uh… okay with this? I mean, I would like this to not just be a one-time thing… but if you're not comfortable with that, even for a second. I…I will step down. We'll go back to being just – "

"I did kiss you back, did I not?" Leto cut in, gripping his chin and leaning over to plant a swift kiss to Carver's cheek before his companion could stumble over his words anymore "So no, we cannot go back to being just friends. We can't let kissing skills like that get rusty now can we?"

Carver looked sidelong at the elf eyes wide in surprise "Skills?"

"Yes, skills. Are you sure you have never…?"

"Why are you even asking that? You know _you _are the _only_ one"

* * *

Hawke had to do a second take when her brother walked into their room. Was he… _smiling_? In the seventeen years she has lived with him she couldn't remember ever seeing such a huge smile on his face. He flopped onto the bed and folded his arms behind his head.

"Brother, why is it you look like the cat who caught the canary?"

"I kissed Lee—uhh" He choked on the word suddenly realizing which sister was in the room with him.

He hoped he didn't look guilty when his eyes jumped to catch her reaction.

His mind raced to think of a believable cover up to explain how happy he was.

The eldest Hawke sauntered over to the bed and sat at her youngest sibling's hip. "This Leah, Is she pretty?" She asked, smiling down at him.

He returned it back almost tenfold. This _could_ work, he could use this to set up a story of half-truth. Change Leto to Leah and all the 'he's' in to 'she's'

"How was it? And why didn't you tell me you had a girl in your sights, you _sly fox_"

He pushed himself upright into a sitting position. He thought carefully before he spoke. "She's not just pretty. She's hands-down _the_ most stunning elf I have ever seen" he admitted, bitting his lip to hold in his sudden urge to laugh as an image of Leto with long hair with a pink bow in it popped in his head "Well, it sure put an… _interesting_ spin on today"

"Aw. My little Carver is all grown up" she gushed, pulling him into a short tight hug. "Bring her along for drinks at Danal's tonight with us?"

"No. Not possible" he said to, looking away from his sister and letting a disappointed sigh leave him to make his lie sound more believable "The Dalish don't trust us 'Shemlens' easily, most of them are frightened of us so being in a bar will be too overwhelming. I do not wish to give kill her via heart-attack"

"I would call you a liar." She mused, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. Carver swallowed nervously, normally his sister never caught onto his white-lies. "But that shit eating grin you had on your face when you came in here. I've never seen such a big smile on your face. She must quite the catch"

"Oh, you have _no idea_"

* * *

(1 year time bounce)

"Idiots!" Danarius' voice boomed angrily at the 3 slavers that stood before him. "How is it you _still_ do not have my most prized pet. It's been more than 4 years. How hard can it be to capture a single elf?!"

"He… he's good with a blade, sir" the youngest slaver said, lowering his head and kicking at the corner of the carpet with the toe of his boot like a child in trouble. "We found him in the forest south of Lothering. The battle was seven against one and he-"

"Your men are being out-smarted and killed by an _elf!_" He growled, slamming his fist down on the bench. "You are a disgrace to The Imperium!"

The middle slaver mercenary, Meeran with the scar over his left eye stepped forward, shoulders back a slight smirk on his face and spoke "We have a lead on where he is staying, sir."

Danarius raised his brow at this after all this time without a trace on the elf, he seemed to be a ghost only appearing to slaughter a handful of his slavers and disappear again. None of his men could ever find any reliable information on his whereabouts past the fact he was still looming around South Ferelden.

"A tavern in the northeast part of the town of Lothering which he shares ownership with an overly happy fellow, Danal, I think his name was. This guy from what my men managed to gather from the drunks is that he is acting like a father figure for your elf, sir" Meeran informed him "We have also found that your elf has made quite a the ring of allies, a powerful young blonde mage who looks much like your High Apprentice Malcolm Hawke, a young Lieutenant in the King's army who our spies tell us is some sort of body-guard and the slave even has the mighty Grey Wardens trying to hide him"

"Recruit as many men as possible and prepare them for battle."

"Battle?" the teenage slaver gasped, staring wide-eyed at the Magister "A-are we going to war, sir?"

"If that's what it takes" he hissed "That elf is valuable to my experiments. He is a descendent of the immortal elves of Arlathan his blood can be used for many, many things. _Powerful_ things. I _must_ have him back! I will tear apart the entire South region myself if you idiots can't bring me back what's mine"

"I take it you have a plan, sir?" scar face asked, raising his good brow with interest.

"I do." He smirked wolfishly. "This is your last chance, Meeran. You have a lot to do, now get out of my sight!"

**THE END.**

**To be continued...**

(keep your eyes peeled for the sequel - Coming soon)


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